Party Animal Incognito

In our line of work, remembering all the VIPs we meet can be a daunting task. So for months we felt guilty when Christopher Hammond’s lively assistant kept calling to ask, “Are you coming to Chris’ birthday party?” or “Chris is very excited about seeing you at the New Year’s bash.”

How could we have absolutely no recollection of the convivial and generous Hammond? We scrambled through our Rolodexes to no avail.

Help finally arrived in the form of a friend who asked us why the heck a guy named Chris Hammond was inviting her to his party? Our curiosity piqued, we made a few calls and discovered Hammond is a party impresario who, as far as we can tell, no one has ever met.

But What Are the Leash Laws?: At a recent dinner party, we were heartened to hear we’re not the only ones baffled by a billboard for Forest Lawn Mortuaries. The ad features a fortysomething gent with his arm around a pooch and a single line of copy, “I compared and chose Forest Lawn.”

“Am I daft,” our host inquired, “or is that a bit premature?” We agreed, though volunteered that maybe the mortuary was offering a special on dual crypts for man and his best friend.

Artichokes and Attitude: When Jones Hollywood first opened two years ago, we dubbed it a quaking pick-up joint that served a pretty good pizza. A recent dinner there proved the food has taken a quantum leap--duck, scallops and an artichoke to weep over, all served in a scene as libidinous as ever.

Indeed, the only mellow thing about Jones was the slacker waiter. Nonplused, he asked, “Are you going to do food?”

When we asked whether we might have a half order of pasta, he shook his head laconically. “That might bum the chef out.”

We can’t be sure, but we don’t think he’ll be ready for his close-up any time soon.

* COMPILED BY THE SOCIAL CLIMES STAFF