Let Them Help With the Planning

Danny Brunner hates long car rides most.

“It’s so boring,” the fourth-grader said. “Parents think it’s interesting. They shouldn’t make you go.”

Sightseeing can be just as onerous. “Kids get up their hopes they’re going to see something great and then it’s horrible,” said Danny’s friend Gerhard Wald. “That happens a lot. Parents should tell their kids what they’ll see before they go.”

Even worse are parents who embarrass their kids in front of strangers. “Remember to bring sunglasses so no one knows who you are,” suggested Holly Aitchison, a seventh-grader.

“Tell parents not to tickle you in public,” said 12-year-old Laura Diamond. Parents should also refrain from singing in the car with the windows open or on the hiking trail.

Much of this unhappiness could be avoided by including kids in the trip planning and listening to what they have to say. It could be enlightening. Talk to a few about family vacations--as I did with two school classes in suburban Chicago--and one thing is clear: They don’t see the experience from the same perspective as their parents do.

Museums that might broaden their horizons slightly are--until they get there, at least--dismissed as boring. Visits to relatives are excursions to be missed. Heart-stopping scenery rates barely a glance. Whatever the budget, it’s not enough for the souvenirs they want. Hikes are invariably too long while pool time is too short. Restaurants never have exactly what they want to eat. Neither do moms who have packed a picnic.

Then there are the annoying siblings whose mere existence ruins an older brother or sister’s good time. Sharing cramped quarters with them certainly is no fun. “I wish my parents would just leave my baby sister home with my grandmother,” sighed 13-year-old Ronnie McCarron.

“Always walk 10 paces in front of them,” suggested Julie Scheff. Even better, they all agreed, would be a private hotel room away from the rest of the family. They were serious.

It’s not that our kids are spoiled or ungrateful. It’s just that on vacation, as at home, they have a different take than we do on what is required to create a good time. Their formula for vacation success, besides hitting every theme park in the country: include them in the planning and give them some ownership of the trip. After all, it’s their vacation too.

“Vacation is a time for kids to recoup too,” said Sharon Berry, a child psychologist at Chicago’s Children’s Memorial Medical Center. They aren’t interested in meaningful experiences. “They just want to have fun and have Mom and Dad’s attention for a few days.”

A parent listening to a group of youngsters talk about how adults mess up family vacations might wonder why the family is bothering to go anywhere.

The answer is because family vacations can be terrific. Danny Brunner’s eyes glowed when he recalled his favorite trip--a week of skiing in Colorado. A preteen talked about her family’s visit to Minnesota’s Mall of America, while another girl can’t wait to take another car trip with her mom, telling jokes and sharing junk food the whole way.

Whatever the family’s style, a trip together--even just a weekend--provides much-needed time for everyone to forget the stresses and strains of home, work and school, and focus on one another. They’re a way to share new experiences together, explore new places and maybe even relax.

Taking the Kids appears the first and third week of every month.