165 Gay Couples Exchange Vows in S.F. Ceremony

In the first ritual of its kind, 165 gay and lesbian couples were symbolically joined in official bliss at San Francisco’s temporary City Hall on Monday in a festive but dignified mass ceremony presided over by Mayor Willie Brown.

Walking down the aisle in everything from blue jeans to wedding dresses, 10 to 20 couples at a time took a vow of partnership given by city officials, then kissed in unison as friends and family members cheered.

“As usual, we are first, and by virtue of your participating in this ceremony, you are part of history,” Brown said before personally pronouncing 30 of the couples to be “lawfully recognized domestic partners.”

The ceremony, made possible by a new city law, gives gay and lesbian couples the kind of public recognition and official blessing they have long sought. Many of the couples, together for a decade or more, said they were taking part in the ceremony to make a political statement as much as a personal commitment.

“Eighteen years ago, we had to be married in secret,” said Henry Kielarowski, 49, as he stood with his arm around his partner, Joseph De La Rosa Jr., 42. “We are happy to be able to do this finally publicly in a city we love very much.”

The San Francisco Board of Supervisors passed an ordinance in January allowing public officials to perform domestic partnership rites for any two people who register with the city as a couple and pay a $30 fee.

Unmarried couples have been able to register as domestic partners in San Francisco since 1991. Although they do not enjoy the same rights as married people, they gain certain legal protections, such as being able to visit their partners in hospitals. In addition, registered partners of city employees receive health and retirement benefits.

“We’re just happy, loving, boring people like everyone else,” said professional singer Lisa Gray, who performed with her partner, Kim Hatcher, at the ceremony and then married her.

Only two other cities, New York, and Madison, Wis., offer publicly sanctioned ceremonies for domestic partners, but neither has ever conducted a mass wedding, officials said.

The San Francisco ceremony comes as the state Senate considers legislation prohibiting the recognition of same-sex marriages performed in other states. Although no state has yet approved homosexual unions, a court case pending in Hawaii could legalize such marriages.

Colorado Gov. Roy Romer on Monday vetoed a bill banning same-sex marriages, saying such unions may deserve legal recognition.

“We are here to express our affirmation and our defiance,” said lesbian San Francisco County Supervisor Carole Migden, author of the new law. “We affirm domestic partnership relationships as stable, loving and legitimate, and we defy the movement that seeks to deny us respect, equality and dignity in our lives.”

The couples who were joined in partnership Monday covered a wide spectrum of the gay community: Many had gray hair and some have been together as long as 30 years. Among the participants were city commissioners, doctors, business executives, artists and police officers.

“I know what we have and she knows what we have, but it’s nice to have it acknowledged and respected,” said geologist Lynn Gallagher, 45, who has been with her partner, teacher Cindy Sides, also 45, for 14 years. “Everybody needs to know where they fit in.”

Each couple walked down the aisle of the Herbst Theater to the accompaniment of the 15-piece San Francisco Lesbian/Gay Freedom Band. The participants’ names were read aloud, along with a short statement they had written. Some referred to their household pets, others to the many years they had been together.

One couple said they are “proud to be domesticated and announce the birth of their first mortgage.” Another wrote that their “21 years together have not been for the sake of the children.” A third couple wrote: “We teach by how we live our lives publicly, not by how we maintain our silence privately.”

One deputy sheriff wore her uniform as she received the city’s blessing. One pair of women wore wedding dresses. Some men wore matching suits or colorful shirts, while one couple dressed as nuns with elaborate makeup, veils, floral headdresses and leis.

Many participants had wedding rings on their fingers, and a few even had rings in their noses.

For Joe and Chuck Easton, dressed in tuxedos with matching blue bow ties, the ceremony provided an important opportunity to declare their commitment publicly.

Joe, 32, a city police officer, and Chuck, 48, a deputy sheriff, have already legally changed their last names to one they created by taking three letters from each of their original surnames.

“Today, it’s us telling the world we’re together,” Joe Easton said. “It’s a statement to the rest of the country that we’re here and we’re going to stay together.”

In addition to the 165 gay and lesbian couples, one heterosexual couple participated in the ceremony. Joe Babcock, 42, and Kitty Costello, 41, said they were not ready for marriage but wanted to express their commitment under the city ordinance for unmarried couples. “We’ve thought about [getting married], but one of us always chickens out,” Babcock said.

Brown officiated over the ceremony with great enthusiasm, at times jumping up and down on the stage, directing participants to their places and hugging the newlyweds.

“I am proud to be mayor of this city that has already reached the millennium and beyond on this issue,” Brown told an audience of hundreds who witnessed the ceremony at the theater across Van Ness Avenue from the old City Hall, which is closed for earthquake repairs.

Migden, who is running unopposed for the Assembly in today’s special election to fill Brown’s former seat, said the gay and lesbian unions are “authentic and enduring expressions of commitment.”

“This ceremony will pave the way toward the attainment of legal recognition and social equity throughout the nation in the years ahead,” said Migden, who also performed partnership rites for many of the couples. “San Francisco is a city that honors and respects diversity, and we are made stronger and richer by doing so.”