Hamburger to go:Los Angeles disaster films are...

Hamburger to go:

Los Angeles disaster films are still in vogue--wait until you see what space aliens do to L.A. in the forthcoming “Independence Day.” But the Southland has one less disaster eatery. The Burger That Ate L.A. on Melrose Avenue, with its catsup-oozing patty chomping on City Hall (see photo), is no more. It’s been replaced by a Starbucks--The Coffeehouse That’s Taking Over the World.

MYSTERY SOLVED: Incidentally, the demolition of The Burger That Ate L.A.’s City Hall finally gives the downtown City Hall a legitimate reason for wearing that black funeral band.

OH MY GOSH, DEAR--SOME ENGINEERS ARE AT THE DOOR! The Bureau of Engineering--the one at the real City Hall--was startled by a draft ordinance on the inspection of street address numbers in L.A. The proposal contained “an unusual section” giving the Bureau of Engineering “police power to arrest citizens for street address inconsistencies or violations.”

In other words, if you (or one of those freelance number painters) put up an incorrect address at your residence, the E-men could come to take you away.

The Bureau of Engineering has asked for a revision of the ordinance, pointing out that it “has never viewed its role, past, present or future, as having police power in this regard.”

And we can all sleep better at night knowing that.

DIONNE WARWICK MUST BE VERY PROUD: Denison University sent a recruiting tape to alumna Elizabeth Freed of Mt. Washington, hoping she would talk up the Ohio school to prospective students. Freed and her son, Bobby, 9, watched the tape. It showed the beautiful hills and valleys of Granville, Ohio, as well as interviews with department heads of the prestigious liberal arts school. When it was over, Freed asked Bobby if he would be interested in attending Denison some day. “Well, maybe,” he said thoughtfully. “It looks very nice. But do they have any special programs for people interested in becoming psychics?”

HOME OF THE H-E-E-E-R-E’S JOHNNY! CENTER: Some prominent contributors to USC whose names became part of academe:

* Barbra Streisand Professorship in Intimacy and Sexuality

* Hugh M. Hefner Chair for the Study of American Film (obviously Streisand beat Hef to his first preference)

* Steven Spielberg Music Scoring Stage

* Tommy’s Original World Famous Hamburgers Beakers (the burger chain donated money to the chemistry department several years ago in exchange for having its name imprinted on the beakers)

* George Lucas Instructional Building

* Marcia Lucas Post-Production Building

* Johnny Carson Television Center

Hey, Bobby Freed--maybe the Carson Television Center has a special program involving Karnak the Magnificent!

miscelLAny

We came upon a flier from the Two Birds Society of Signal Hill, which announces that you can obtain a certificate saying you’re a Native American for $28--even if you have no Indian heritage. “Our society will bestow upon you a Native American name of our choice, based on simple information you provide to us,” the flier says. We know what the Two Birds Society would name us: Desperately Seeking Items.