Take pride, commuters!Traffic reporter Richard Turnage of...

Take pride, commuters!

Traffic reporter Richard Turnage of radio station KRTH notes that the new amusement park on the Santa Monica Pier will have a bumper-car attraction called “Sig Alert.”

Turnage adds: “Of course, this is the second ride to be named after L.A. freeways. The other is in Disneyland--’Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride.’ ”

QUESTION OF THE DAY: Jay Olins of L.A. saw a license plate on the San Diego Freeway that said, HIJK MNO. He adds: “I bet that driver’s name is Noelle!” Can you guess why?

A TRUE L.A. CATCH: Excuse a week-old statistic, but we were on vacation when we attended the Los Angeles Dodgers home opener. And we haven’t seen this catch mentioned in any publications. The talk of the field-level spectators on the first base side that day was a spectator who casually reached out and caught a foul ball that had bounced off an upper deck. Caught it with one hand. Caught it with one hand while using the other hand to hold the cell phone he was speaking into.

AND THE ANSWER TO THE QUESTION OF THE DAY IS . . . : Olins points out that Noelle equals No L.

UNSTABLE MASS: On our way home from San Diego, we were naturally in a great hurry to get back to work. But we slowed down when we saw a car in front of us with a bumper sticker that said:

CAUTION: WEDDING CAKE ON BOARD.

DON’T EVEN ASK ABOUT THEIR SUNDAY POLICY: It was great to be back in L.A. with its semi-friendly atmosphere, as summed up in a shot snapped by Dave Tull of South Pasadena (see photo).

KNIGHT IN SHINING AUTO: In the interest of personal disclosure, we must reveal that we went on vacation to get over the shock of turning 50. Since we tend to live in the past, we’ll avoid comment on that observance and instead tell you a story about an adventure that coincided with our 40th birthday party in West L.A.

A friend of ours met a young lady from Long Beach at that party and, when she expressed concern over how to get home afterward, offered to follow her in his car.

They set out on the San Diego Freeway about midnight, and our gallant friend soon discovered it wasn’t easy keeping up with the woman. She seemed to be changing lanes constantly. Somehow, he managed to stay behind her, though, even when she unaccountably exited in Gardena.

At the first traffic signal, our friend drove up behind her, only to see her make a sudden left turn on a red light and roar down the street. He dutifully followed and, when she took a right on a side street, he did, too. The street was a dead-end and he saw her bring the car to a halt. He stopped, too, and walked toward her, intending to ask for an explanation.

When he reached her window he saw, not her, but the terrified face of a man who appeared to be in his 70s.

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Delegates at a California Dental Assn. convention in Anaheim voted overwhelmingly in favor of Bill Clinton over Bob Dole in the “most attractive smile” category. Yet about 60% of the dentists picked Dole to defeat Clinton in November. No doubt, the dentists ruefully recalled that the lack of a smile didn’t hurt the reelection bid of the president with the worst teeth: George Washington.