No, uh, ark:Specialty voyages are in vogue,...

No, uh, ark:

Specialty voyages are in vogue, so we’re not surprised that there’s a “Hollywood Celebrity Dog and Dog-Lovers Cruise.”

The big event is set for Nov. 16 to 23 and the guest star passenger will be Bear, the hound who played Dreyfuss in TV’s “Empty Nest.” Or maybe Dreyfuss played Bear. We forget.

Whatever, it’ll be interesting to see how many fans the pooch attracts for a $15,000 Caribbean cruise.

Oh yes, one other thing. You’re welcome to sign up. But leave Fifi and King home. “This is a people-only event,” says a spokeswoman for Around the World Travel of Tarzana.

Almost sounds as though the voyage could be mistaken for a “Dog-Haters Cruise.”

OH NO, NOT MAD UFO DISEASE! One of the seminars scheduled for the UFO Expo West June 8 and 9 at the Airport Wyndham Hotel is “UFOs, Dead Cows and Videotape: the Rules of Engagement.”

MUST BE THE HOME OF THE LARGE-MOUTH BASS: Bob Green of Sherman Oaks points out that in one of its new area code maps, Pac Bell has discovered a vacation spot above Bishop (see map).

KINGS TAKE IT ON THEIR CROWNS AGAIN: Well, hockey season is over, at least for the Kings, who had another disappointing season. Not only that, they dealt off the sport’s best-known player. In a way, though, he’s still with us, in a bumper sticker still seen around town: JESUS SAVES--GRETZKY GETS THE REBOUND AND SCORES!

FOOD FOR THOUGHT: On Fairfax Avenue, writer Angela Fox Dunn encountered a street person who offered some scraps of food to her dog (who is not named Bear or Dreyfuss). Dunn politely refused, and the shabby good Samaritan said: “I’m not a bum. You might say I’m residentially challenged.” Adds Dunn: “We seem to have a lot of hip homeless here.”

DUELING DRINKERS? Perusing the table of contents of a legal journal, attorney Michael Fasman of Beverly Hills observed: “One wonders whether the editor confused his bars” (see accompanying).

A MYSTERY NO MORE: You may recall our item on the sighting of a license plate that said, HIJK MNO. Amateur detective Jay Olins guessed that the car owner’s name is Noelle. No L--get it? Another reader guessed the plate was a Christmas greeting (Noel).

Well, we’ve since received a fax from a Manhattan Beach woman who said: “Please pass along my congratulations to Jay for not only solving my brain teaser (with no hints!) but spelling my name correctly!”

It was signed: Noelle Merritt.

Among those with incorrect guesses about the license plate was a colleague of ours who assumed HIJK MNO had something to do with a hijacking.

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A quake-repair company’s sign on a battered, derelict, graffiti-covered building off the Santa Monica Freeway says: “If you lived here, you wouldn’t want to be home now.”