No Joke: Usher Entertains Thoughts of Center Stage

One of the most entertaining acts at the Orange County Performing Arts Center is not on stage. He’s directing patrons of the arts to their seats with an array of quips and one-liners--still dreaming of his moment in the spotlight.

A songwriter, singer and comedian by avocation, 68-year-old Arnnie Stevens entertains his audience one at a time.

“How many in your party?” he asks on a typical night at the Performing Arts Center as theatergoers step out of the elevator.

“Three,” someone answers.

“Make it four, I’m very lonely,” he says with the timing of a seasoned vaudevillian. You can almost hear the rim shot.

A few jokes later, he asks: “Do you think I’m funny? The other day a cop came up to me and said, ‘Are you a stand-up comedian?’ I said, ‘No, I use a La-Z-Boy. It’s more comfortable.’ ”

When the audience is seated, Stevens, who has worked at the Performing Arts Center for seven years as one of 400 volunteer ushers, watches the show and dreams. After more than 30 years writing songs that have been rejected by some of the top names in show business, he has not given up hope that someday someone will be singing one of his tunes from center stage.

“In almost everything I’ve seen, I always envision one of my songs being interjected,” he says. “My songs should be heard; at the Music Center, the Hollywood Bowl, the Performing Arts Center. People would love it. People would enjoy it.”

Stevens, whose father wrote religious music in his spare time, also envisions his music in the movies. He doesn’t get to watch the films at the Edwards South Coast Plaza Village cinema where he works as a part-time assistant manager because his employer keeps him busy selling tickets. But the job keeps him in touch with his audience.

“Depending upon what movie we’re showing, I give them a little humor. For instance, we were showing the film ‘August,’ with Anthony Hopkins. So when people say, ‘We’d like to see August,’ I would say, ‘If you stay to September, I’ll give you a rate.’

“I wore a beautiful tie the other day at the theater and someone pointed to it and said, ‘Picasso?’ I said, ‘No, this is McDonald’s, Burger King and Baskin-Robbins.’ ”

Ah, but the movies just ain’t what they used to be, muses Stevens, who ranks the Gene Kelly musicals “Anchors Aweigh” and “Singin’ in the Rain” at the top of his list of all-time greats. It was a different world in the 1940s, when Stevens, then a teenager, sold soda pop, popcorn and programs at the Los Angeles Pan Pacific Auditorium.

“Now they jolt you with four-letter words and obscenities and nudity, all these things that have very little to do with the film itself. All the nudity and all the sex and violence, I guess that’s what sells.

“I grew up in a different era. Violence was an undertone. Sex was a fade-out. They showed you the bedroom, they went into the bedroom, the doors closed and that was it. Now, everything goes and anything goes.

“It’s probably giving kids all kinds of nightmares. I suppose it takes a little bit of their childhood away.”

For more than 30 years, Stevens did his best to preserve childhood as a city recreation worker in Los Angeles, where he coordinated holiday events, taught sports and led activities for children at various recreation centers throughout the city. But he was also writing songs, submitting them to producers and agents, and collecting a long list of rejections.

Yes, Stevens readily admits, musical tastes change. But he can’t shake the feeling that what this country really needs right now is a return to more lighthearted music, something with an unforgettable melody to send the average person whistling happily down the street. Something like his “Special Moment,” for example.

“Bless that special moment,” he croons from a cassette tape recorded with his brother, a tenor saxophone player. “In a crowd or alone, when you stop to think, of that face, lovely face, like a missing link.”

Or his toe-tapping children’s song, “Show Biz, the Poodle.”

“Show Biz the poodle, elegant is he, eager to explore this world, he prances on his way,” Stevens sings, creating a musical moment that suggests a theme song for a children’s show hosted by somebody in a checkered suit.

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Stevens doesn’t read music. He hums his inspirations into a tape recorder and sends them to his brother in Boston, who transcribes the tunes into musical notation. In 1988, a local singer was intrigued enough by Stevens’ musical tribute to Los Angeles to record the tune, appropriately called “Los Angeles,” on a compact disc. It is not available in stores.

After Stevens moved to Orange County in 1990, his musical ambitions grew. He wrote a song for the entire county.

“Lots of things to do, entertainment too,” he sings vibrantly while stabbing at a few basic chords of accompaniment on a white baby grand piano in his Huntington Beach living room.

You can almost see the sequined dancers, waving American flags in time to the music as they heel-and-toe across the stage. The song’s finale is too complex for his limited piano skills, so he finishes a cappella, with sweeping arm gestures. Big finish.

Stevens could be comfortably ensconced in retirement, but he is still pitching his songs to anyone with the time to listen. He is still waiting for his big break, just a few dozen rows from the stage, in the ticket booth outside the doors that lead to the silver screen.

“I love to be with the public, to be with people, to share experiences and use humor to get them to feel good about themselves. If I can tell a joke or create a moment of laughter, what a nice feeling.

“I’ve had people say to me, ‘This is the show? We’d just as soon stand here and watch you.’ I tell them, ‘Arnnie’s the name and comedy’s my game.’

“Did you know I spell Arnnie with two Ns? The first ‘N’ was lonely so I adopted the second ‘N.’ They keep each other company. Is that terrific?”

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Profile: Arnnie Stevens

Age: 68

Hometown: Boston

Came to Orange County: 1989

Residence: Huntington Beach

Education: Bachelor’s degree in recreation education from Cal State Los Angeles

Background: A recreation director for the Los Angeles City Parks and Recreation Department from 1955 to 1989; volunteer usher at the Orange County Performing Arts Center for seven years; part-time assistant manager at Edwards South Coast Village Cinema; he has written more than 100 songs

Never give up: “I’ve been to record companies, I’ve gone to music publishers. There were times when I came close. I’m just hoping someone says to me: ‘Let’s do it.’ But it takes someone with vision. There are still people like that left. Absolutely.”

Source: Arnnie Stevens; Researched by RUSS LOAR / For The Times