Mad flight attendant disease:On a British Airways...

Mad flight attendant disease:

On a British Airways flight from L.A. to London, Jay Berman overheard a tense passenger ask a flight attendant at meal time: “Where is the beef from?”

“It’s good British beef, madam,” the attendant responded. “We fly the cows to the United States and kill them there.”

The attendant was joking. The woman ordered chicken.

L.A. UNDERGROUND: Angelenos are on the move even when they’re standing still. That’s because the Pacific Plate is creeping north at a rate that should put L.A. alongside Anchorage, Alaska, in 50 million years or so.

Loretta Livingston and Dancers has set out to interpret the ride in “Tales From the Plate, Moving North.” The offbeat dance/theater event, set for June 14 in the Japan America Theater in Little Tokyo, includes such characters as:

* Angelita Luz, a maverick angel.

* Jesus de los Temblores, who can sense earthquakes.

* La Brea Woman, who merges her identity with the 9,000-year-old skeleton of the same name that was found in the La Brea Tar Pits. The original La Brea Woman died of a bashed-in skull.

* Olivet and Sinai, characters who carry the names of the two antique cars on Angels Flight.

Marcia Gold, a volunteer board member for the nonprofit dance troupe, says of the performance: “Besides the lunatic but fun themes, they wallow around on stage in a half ton of peat moss at one point. It’s never boring.”

HOP ABOARD: And, if you want to do a further bit of plate-riding, Paul Cate has found just the spot for you in the Palos Verdes area (see photo).

HOT AIR OR . . . ? A Missouri man has filed suit in St. Louis claiming that his screenplay “Catch the Wind” was stolen by Michael Crichton and wife for their hit movie “Twister.” Studio officials had no comment regarding the complaint by Stephen Kessler, who alleges that his work was a semifinalist in a screenplay-writing competition in Los Angeles and was seen by the producers of “Twister” and by Crichton’s reps.

What would a Midwest resident know about twisters anyway?

CENTURY HIGH: San Fernando High is celebrating its 100th anniversary the weekend of Nov. 1-3, and asks grads to get the details by writing Jordan Austin, c/o San Fernando High, 11133 O’Melveny Ave., San Fernando 91340 . You know who you are, alums--actor Ricardo Montalban, USC football stars Anthony Davis and Charles White, major leaguer Gary Matthews, Louisville basketball coach Denny Crum, etc.

DOES AL D’AMATO KNOW ABOUT THIS? Phyllis Waggner of West Hollywood found what is alleged to be a “shocking” development in the case that continues to bedevil President Clinton (see excerpt).

LEMONADE NOT SOLD HERE: Bud Lindsay of Sherman Oaks was on his way to work the other morning when he saw a roadside display that consisted of two jugs on a table. Next to it stood a guy waving a sign that said: “Try my chablis.”

Lindsay drove by a few hours later and noticed a police car parked where the sidewalk operation had been.

We think the outdoor bar was repugnant, naturally. Especially if the guy didn’t offer any hors d’oeuvres.

miscelLAny:

Well, our tour of jury duty in Long Beach is over. It was uneventful, but at least there was no repeat of last year’s attack by peregrine falcons on two jurors on the courthouse balcony. As usual, we were rejected for every panel. We’ve come to think of ourselves as Steve “The Prosecution Asks the Court to Thank and Excuse” Harvey.