A Classic Nightmare

Kudos to Patt Morrison for “These Stories Are Classics for a Reason” (June 21). Sanitizing “The Hunchback of Notre Dame” is tantamount to turning “Nessun Dorma” into Italian rap. Later this year, a new film version of a modern classic, Vladimir Nabokov’s “Lolita,” is due out. I have no idea what director Adrian Lyne has wrought, but I fear the worst. Watch, the new “Lolita” will feature Clare Quilty and Humbert Humbert (played by Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise) agreeing to create a radio talk show on which they will promote pedophilia as a way to get fathers more involved in their children’s lives. The ratings go through the roof after President-elect Rush Limbaugh (Michael Douglas, in an acting tour de force) promises to name the two men as joint secretaries in his new Department of Family Values.

THOMAS E. BRAUN

Littlerock, Calif.