Crime and pecs:The Olympics, as anyone of...

Crime and pecs:

The Olympics, as anyone of sound mind could have predicted, have inspired local gyms and fitness centers to remind us average folk to get into shape. The standard reasons are given in the radio commercials . . . we’ll feel better, we’ll look better, etc.

But, while perusing Adweek magazine during a recent couch potato session, we came upon a more compelling approach taken by Big Ads of Portland, Ore.

“1.5 million convicts have nothing better to do than work out all day,” begins the agency’s pitch, which depicts a muscular weightlifter. “Are you prepared for their parole?”

The tag line of the ad, which was written for a Portland gym, says: “And you thought they were writing their prison memoirs.”

FAMOUS FOR NOT BEING FAMOUS: In L.A., even wannabe actors can find a niche. Steve Mozena has starred in bus bench ads extolling his thespian talents. Angelyne is, of course, the billboard queen. And the August issue of Life magazine features Hollywood’s Dennis Woodruff, whose car is plastered with Woodruff photos, Woodruff resumes and Woodruff pleas (“Give me a part”). You can be sure the Life clipping will become a part of Woodruff’s scrapbook--his four-wheeled scrapbook.

WRITING OFF L.A.: The Life article that mentioned Woodruff, by the way, is titled, “Earthquakes, Recession, Floods, Drought and a New Intolerance--Is California Over?”

The end of the Golden State, especially the Southern California portion, has been prophesied in the media almost as often as in the movies. Some other doomsday pieces:

* “Has L.A.’s Moment in the Sun Passed?” CBS News report, 1993

* “Trouble in Lakewood . . . Has Something Gone Wrong with the California Dream?” New Yorker, 1993

* “Los Angeles: Is the City of Angels Going to Hell?” Time magazine, 1993

* “California: The Endangered Dream,” Time, 1991

* “California: American Dream, American Nightmare,” Newsweek, 1989

* “Why the Future No Longer Looks So Golden in California,” Fortune, 1978

* “The City of Angels Is Finding It Has a Devil of an Image,” Wall Street Journal, 1976

* “L.A. Turnoff: Driving Through the Days of Future Passed,” Rolling Stone, 1976

* “L.A. The Chemically Pure,” 1913, Smart Set, which asserted that L.A. was “overrun with militant moralists, connoisseurs of sin, experts of biological purity.”

* “Is the West Discontented?” 1896, Overland Monthly

One wonders what the problem was in 1896--horse carriage traffic? Maybe there were a lot of Rig-alerts.

WHAT DOES ITS BARK SOUND LIKE? George Marshall of Ojai sent us today’s wacky classified ad, along with the comment: “Another 4-H club project gone awry.”

OBVIOUSLY THEY’RE FOR THE HIRED HELP: In a discount store near Inglewood, Norm Sklarewitz of West Hollywood saw yacht mops advertised for 99 cents.

JUST WHEN A BREAKTHROUGH SEEMED CLOSE: A Henderson, Nev., reader wrote The Times to say he could help solve the Black Dahlia case--the 1947 murder of a would-be actress that continues to generate newspaper articles, books and movies.

“I am 65 years old, still young enough to remember names and facts about the person responsible,” the letter-writer said.

Bu then he added: “If there is no longer a substantial reward for solving this mystery, please disregard this letter.”

miscelLAny:

While returning from vacation, we chanced upon a real landmark in Santa Barbara--the McDonald’s that introduced the Egg McMuffin to the world. A plaque says the historic date was Jan. 31, 1972. So, the Egg Mac’s been around for almost a quarter of a century. One of these days we’re going to have to try one.