Alomar Act Nothing to Spit At

Our flight to Atlanta got here non-stop, obviously because the California Angels must not have needed our plane. This can really make a person’s day, being able to travel without a baseball team commandeering your aircraft, or being able to work without a baseball player spitting in your face.

While the airline was more responsible than the Angels for plucking a commercial jet right out of the sky, this recent astro-pirate action was indicative of the royal treatment we continue to give ballplayers, with that yellow-bellied Oriole sapsucker Roberto Alomar becoming our most repulsive example yet.

Welcome to another episode of men behaving badly.

After he spat at umpire John Hirschbeck during an argument over a pitched baseball, in my gut I knew--I mean, I knew--that someone would worry more about how it would affect poor slobbering Robbie’s friends and fans, who would have to suffer the consequences of Alomar’s absence, the poor dears.

That’s why I sympathize with the umpires 100%, these men who spend their entire professional lives trying to ascertain what’s fair. The other night at Dodger Stadium, I listened to some impassioned comments from Bruce Froemming, an umpire of long and distinguished standing, who asked of Alomar’s slap on the wrist, “What would you have to DO to get suspended, if you don’t get suspended for spitting on an umpire?”

I don’t know, Bruce. Gunplay?

It was just a year ago this month when Halloween trick-or-treaters, including children, made the mistake of approaching a certain Cleveland Indian’s house. Rather than going to his cupboard, this charming individual taught those little goblins a lesson they’ll never forget, that if you absolutely have to have some candy, that’s why God invented 7-Elevens.

Surly to bed, surly to rise Albert Belle would have paid a steep price, had he, not Alomar, been the one to spit on that umpire. After all, Bad Albert has already had more warnings from baseball’s authorities than you can shake a cork-filled stick at, whereas Alomar had previously been mistaken, by so many of us, as a decent fellow.

I wonder what sort of person spits in another person’s face.

Who would do such a thing? Curse, push, punch, OK; not admirable acts, but understandable. To spit, though, in a human being’s eye, over a crummy baseball game, well, to quote former umpire Dave Pallone--who says Davey Concepcion did the same thing to him once--it is “one thing to cuss a man, [but] spitting is as vile a thing as you can do.”

A lot of jokes about spittin’ ‘n’ scratchin’ have accompanied baseball throughout the years, and more than one observer has been amazed at the nonchalant way an athlete can unload a gob of saliva onto an AstroTurf rug, in an indoor dome, as casually as he would in a meadow of grass. It is the filthiest habit in all of sports.

Several years ago, when Charles Barkley, the basketball player, accidentally spit on a child, part of his excuse was that he was trying to spit on a man sitting nearby. Jim McMahon, the football quarterback, once blew his nose on a reporter he disliked. With each passing day, I wonder what possesses intelligent men to turn into snorting pigs.

I can’t comprehend why baseball’s officials would endeavor to satisfy Robbie Alomar’s needs, by doling out his punishment when it would do the least amount of harm to the player and his team. Froemming, for one, was mortified, saying, “He serves five days’ suspension . . . next year . . . with pay. This is a horrendous decision.

“I mean, if everybody in the whole world tells me I’m wrong, then I guess maybe I’m wrong. But I don’t think I’m wrong. To spit in a guy’s face is a crime, and he got away with it.”

Umpires threatened a wildcat strike, which would have had the same unfortunate effect, hurting the game rather than the individual. But what recourse did they have to get American League President Gene Budig’s head from the sand. Umpire union president Jerry Crawford said, “We’re taking the only action left to us. No one else will listen.”

No one listens, because the pampering of athletes never ends. Dennis Rodman, Nick Van Exel and others roughly abuse referees, then return to standing ovations. Robbie Alomar hears applause from standing fans, just because he wears a bird on his cap. The Angels need a plane, fine, we’ll pull one down from the sky. Heaven forbid ballplayers be inconvenienced.

If baseball wants to delay Alomar’s punishment until 1997, I have no problem with that. Suspend him for all of 1997. This wouldn’t make jocks keep all of their big mouths shut, but it sure would make those mouths a little more dry, believe me.