<i> Snapshots of life in the Golden State.</i> : Hit Squads and Misses From the Wild World of Politics

First he’s Mr. President, then he’s a “bozo,” and now “criminal.”

At a fund-raiser for a Virginia colleague, Rep. Sonny Bono (R-Palm Springs) called Bill Clinton a “criminal,” as in, “If anybody even dares to compare Bob Dole to Clinton, then they’re comparing a criminal to an honest man.” (Interestingly, the rules of grammar dictate that Bono’s syntax makes Dole the criminal and Clinton the honest man, but the GOP audience didn’t take it that way.)

And on the heels of accusations by Rep. Maxine Waters that the CIA at the very least turned a blind eye to cocaine smuggling into South-Central L.A. by supporters of the Nicaraguan Contras, the CIA took it on the chin again: Bono declared that the agency has a “hit squad in Haiti. You know what our CIA does--they kill people.”

(The State Department sent diplomatic security officers to help reorganize the Haitian president’s security. Bono told the Roanoke Times and World News that he has no proof for his allegation but says “it’s there,” in documents the Democrats won’t release.)

After his staff spent a day explaining away their boss’ remarks, Bono apologized: “I shouldn’t say things like that in any manner.”

Bono had also said that if the Clinton era continues, “I’ll find an island and take my kids there.”

How about Haiti?

Surge in the Schools

Public and private school enrollment will surge over the next 10 years, especially in California, which is expecting a million more students. The growth is fueled by immigration and baby boomers’ children. These 10 states project the largest percentages of growth:

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STATE 1996 2006 Change (in thousands) 1.Del. 117 138 18.7% 2.Cal. 5,815 6,878 18.3% 3.Wash. 996 1,129 13.4% 4.Ala. 753 844 12.1% 5.Hawaii 205 229 11.7% 6.Alaska 137 153 11.7% 7.Ore. 549 610 11.2% 8.Md. 838 931 11.0% 9.Va. 1,122 1,232 9.8% 10.Utah 485 532 9.8%

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Source: U.S. Department of Education

Researched by TRACY THOMAS / Los Angeles Times

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Mother and Father Jones: Now you don’t have to wait until Nov. 5. San Francisco’s Mother Jones magazine asked users of its MoJo Internet wire to vote for their all-star all-time First Family. And the winners are:

President, Harry Browne (this year’s Libertarian contender); First Lady, Eleanor Roosevelt; First Child, actor Kelsey “There’s a Ford in your future” Grammer; and First Pet, Natural Law Party presidential candidate John Hagelin’s horse.

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Sex and violins: The Canadian Opera Company is enticing new audiences to its golden oldie repertoire with some Golden State gore.

Its full-page ad in a Toronto newspaper for Richard Strauss’ “Elektra,” based on the doings of the licentious and parricidal Mycenaean royal family, hints at parallels between Agamemnon and his kith and kin, and the saga of the Menendii. “Thinking about collecting that insurance money early, like Lyle and Erik?” the ad asks archly. “Come to ‘Elektra’ and see how it’s done.”

The brothers, convicted of murdering their parents, could have taken a page from the eponymous character in the Greek tragedy: “Menendez boys, listen up. Not only did she get her mom and stepdad into the obituary column, she also got someone else to do the deed. No muss, no fuss, no killing time on death row.”

The ad did get their address wrong. Erik, 25, and Lyle, 28, are serving life terms in different prisons.

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Favorite son: In Democrat Adam Schiff’s uphill struggle to best Republican Assemblywoman Paula L. Boland in the 21st Senate District, he’s delivered rubber duckies to reporters every time his opponent has failed to appear at a debate (ducking him, see?).

Incumbent Boland has the Valley secession effort in her corner, but Schiff has something even more potent than his Stanford-Harvard-federal prosecutor resume.

Mom and Dad.

His campaign has set up an 800 number in Sherrill and Ed Schiff’s place in Boca Raton, Fla. (also Republican Bob Dole’s getaway spot), and each day the retired couple spend a few hours phoning 21st District voters to stump for their son.

“If somebody’s mom calls you and asks you to vote for him and explains to you the reasons,” says a campaign staffer, “it makes it very difficult for people to say no.”

But even Mom can’t join you in the voting booth.

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One-offs: Walnut Creek’s Gladys Sargent, an animal activist who pushed for state laws banning decompression chambers to kill shelter animals, the dyeing of Easter chicks and steel-jaw traps for bears, has died at 96. . . . A Roseville auto dealership’s billboard on Interstate 80, not far from the Capitol, promises, “More deals than a roomful of lobbyists.” . . . A judge has reduced a Stockton man’s third-strike sentence for stealing a $7 bottle of Oil of Olay face lotion from 25-to-life to nine years. . . . After a 10-week hunt, a 3-foot, 2-inch alligator was reeled in from a lake near San Francisco’s Presidio by a zoo curator using $1.47 worth of raw fish.

EXIT LINE

“Although he had previously been a devoted Zen student, during his tenure as treasurer, he was not practicing meditation.”

--Barbara Kohn, president of the San Francisco Zen Center, whose longtime treasurer allegedly embezzled $60,000.

California Dateline appears every other Friday.