Ventura Blvd. Plan a Dead End

I wish I had only chuckled after reading recently that the city of Los Angeles has a plan to improve and beautify Ventura Boulevard.

In fact, I did a lot more than chuckle. I had a good ol’ knee slappin’, howl-out-loud, gigglin’ fit. Beautify the Boulevard of Bowling Alleys? Maybe if you zap it back a hundred years in a time machine. Or, better yet, call in a fleet of bulldozers.

The Ventura Boulevard Specific Plan, in its current form, calls for $75 million to be spent on three basic improvements, all designed to create five pedestrian-friendly business districts along the boulevard’s path. These improvements are: 1) widening intersections along the boulevard to improve traffic flow; 2) building parking structures so that people can park their cars and then either walk or take a shuttle bus (yeah, right) to the business districts; and, 3) streetscaping to make the boulevard more attractive.

Some examples of the streetscaping: Tarzana plans to hang metal silhouettes of monkeys from its lampposts (it’s a Tarzan thing). Sherman Oaks wants a pedestrian plaza on Vesper Avenue. Studio City will install historic light fixtures. Woodland Hills wants to erect kiosks listing community events and to install brick-lined crosswalks.

Husband: Honey, instead of going somewhere fun tonight like Old Pasadena or Third Street Promenade, let’s go to Woodland Hills and see the brick-lined crosswalks.

Wife: You’re an idiot and I’m leaving you.

It’s admirable that the city has admitted it has a problem. But the reality of the Ventura Boulevard Specific Plan is that it will do little but clog the street with even more cars and spend whatever is left of the $75 million on cosmetic changes that will attract no one. As any Beverly Hills plastic surgeon can tell you, changing the face does not change the character.

That, in a nutshell, is the problem. Ventura Boulevard has no character because it is a state highway designed for cars, not people. The only way to change that, like it or not, will be to spend a lot more money to radically overhaul the boulevard and return it to the people.

Although I’m not a so-called expert in urban planning, I am a rather seasoned pedestrian. And, thus, my specific suggestions for the Ventura Boulevard Specific Plan:

* First, and most important, narrow the boulevard to four lanes in and around the five business districts. This will discourage frustrated Ventura Freeway drivers from shortcutting on the boulevard, which ties up traffic. A narrower boulevard also would have a more human scale. Right now, crossing it is like trying to cross the freeway, just not as exciting.

* Ban most street parking and street-side parking lots in the business districts. Also, make all businesses move their parking lots to the back of their buildings, so pedestrians don’t have to dodge Mercedeses at the front door. And, for gosh sake, scrap the awful plan to shuttle people to the business districts from parking garages.

* With the extra room created by narrowing the boulevard, build a separate bike / roller-blade / jog path, as well as a greenbelt, that goes from Woodland Hills to Universal City--a mostly flat route. Build people a sane and safe place to walk and ride and they’ll come.

* Give real estate developers tax breaks to build high-rise apartments along the boulevard in the business districts. Everyone wins. Developers have something to do besides upset environmentalists by building on empty hillsides. Renters win by living near places they can walk to. Businesses win by gaining customers.

* Decide once and for all that if a subway or light rail (or whatever it’s being called this week) is going to be built in the West Valley, it’s going to be under or on Ventura Boulevard. The businesses are there and thousands of people live close enough to actually walk to the choo-choo stations. A mind-bending concept, eh?

* When all this other stuff is done, then beautify the new and improved communities with streetscaping. Kiosks, plazas, brick sidewalks, people walking around dressed as giant oranges (it’s a heritage thing) and, you guessed it, those crazy metal monkeys.

Except this way both those monkeys and everyone else will have a reason to hang around.