At Last, Your Chance to Play Plastic Surgeon in Hollywood

At last, something truly useful on the overrated Internet: a chance to perform plastic surgery on your favorite celebrities.

Wonder what “Baywatch” star David Hasselhoff would look like with a bigger brain? Then sign onto Remco’s Plastic Surgery Kit, click once and . . . voila! Instant expanded cranial capacity.

Want to play Dr. Frankenstein with the cast of “Friends”? Simply visit Mr. Showbiz, an online entertainment magazine, and enter the site’s Plastic Surgery Lab.

“That’s right, no years of medical school, no costly malpractice insurance, no validating the parking of your clients,” says Mr. Showbiz. “And if you don’t like the results, don’t worry . . . [just] try again. No one suffers!”

The Mr. Showbiz site, which has far more options than its Remco competitor, allows users to merge facial features from selected celebrities.

“Who among us has not looked back through our failed relationships and said something like, ‘If only I could meet someone with Keith’s good looks, Michael’s personality and Glenn’s libido,’ ” the introduction says. “Perhaps you have even dissected your platonic friends in the same way. . . . Who wouldn’t want to take Ross’ wit (mouth), Rachel’s vivacity (hair), Monica’s ambition (eyes) and Chandler’s compassion (nose), and with them form the most special companion of all: a Superfriend.”

A more likely result, however, is a Superfreak. Use a mouse-scalpel to combine Chandler’s face, Monica’s eyes, Ross’ nose and Rachel’s mouth, for example, and you get a hilarious-looking crossbreed with the warning: “This is why we can’t let ‘Friends’ procreate.”

Mr. Showbiz also has a plastic surgery archive, where armchair MDs can mix and match features from Goldie Hawn, Danny DeVito, Ellen Barkin and Keanu Reeves.

Future patients will include talk show hosts David Letterman, Jay Leno, Rosie O’Donnell, Conan O’Brien and Kathie Lee Gifford.

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The lab somehow evolved from Mr. Showbiz’s now-defunct celebrity bellybutton identification contest, says editor Susan Mulcahy, 39, a former New York newspaper gossip columnist.

“It has been hugely popular,” she adds. “People like to see celebrities in all kinds of situations and predicaments.”

Some online readers even sent in their own surgery “recipes,” one of which combined “Friends” actor Jennifer Aniston’s hair with assorted other famous facial features and created . . . Kato Kaelin.

For postoperative entertainment, Mr. Showbiz also dishes up amusing Hollywood gossip, movie reviews, a game called Romantically Linked (which follows Tinseltown’s tortured love affairs) and reader polls on such burning questions as which national landmark should the “Independence Day” aliens spare (Statue of Liberty), which musician must have sold his or her soul to the devil in exchange for fame (a tie between Michael Bolton and Mariah Carey) and which “Friends” actor should die if only five of the six cast members could be saved (sorry, Joey).

To find Mr. Showbiz, which is part of an online empire started by billionaire Paul Allen (co-founder of Microsoft Corp. and owner of the Portland Trail Blazers), steer your computer to https://www.mrshowbiz.com/.

Remco’s Plastic Surgery Kit is at https://gene.fwi.uva.nl/ ~leguijt/plastic_ pics/plastic.html.