Punch Lines
Corporate America: Reebok has apologized for naming its new women’s athletic shoe ‘Incubus’ upon learning an incubus was a mythical demon who preyed on women. “It could have been worse,” says Argus Hamilton. “They were going to call them Air Packwoods.”
* “Normally, the company would never associate with a character so repulsive, unless, of course, he has a great three-point shot.” (Gary Easley)
Martha Stewart has unveiled a line of country home living products for Kmart. “Attention Kmart shoppers: Decorative items for your riding stables on aisle six.” (Alex Kaseberg)
“Sports Illustrated is bragging that its swimsuit issue photos were taken in exotic locales--Aruba, St. Tropez,” says Jay Leno. “Guys are going, ‘Who cares?’ Like how many guys care if the pictures were taken in a Fotomat in Barstow?”
* “This year’s issue was a popular one,” says Kaseberg. “The photography was edited by Elaine Farley and the articles were written by Whogives A. Damn.”
Home Savings is putting coffee shops in some of its branches. “Before a heist a geeky crook will spend three hours at a little table nursing a cup of coffee and rewriting his hold-up note.” (Jenny Church)
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New in Science: Researchers learned that a tobacco plant under attack from a virus gives off a chemical vapor that warns its neighbors. “The discovery makes sense,” says Alex Pearlstein. “When you attack the tobacco lobby, it does the same thing.”
“Researchers say dogs go through an extended ‘teenage’ period in their lives,” Alan Ray reports. “It’s easy to identify. They lie around the house all day.”
A new study finds that doctors with better bedside manners are less likely to be sued for malpractice. “However, they do have to get over the patients’ mistrust that they are not really doctors.” (Easley)
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Show Biz: Argentina’s vice president has called for a national boycott of “Evita.” “The movie suffered a different kind of boycott in the U.S. The average American opted to see ‘Star Wars’ for the eighth time.” (Hamilton)
After it was repaired by astronauts, the Hubble Telescope was put in a higher orbit to avoid collisions with outer-space junk. “Of particular concern was that it might hit the satellite that carries the Fox network feed.” (Easley)
James Earl Ray pleads for a new liver on the “Montel Williams” show. “It’s part of Montel’s ‘Organs for Assassins Week,’ ” says the Cutler Daily Scoop.
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Reader Dottie Dehlin says her 4-year-old grandson, Ty, recently learned to tie his shoes. Puffed up by this, he announced:
“I can ride a two-wheeler and I can tie my shoes. Now I only have to learn to tell time and then I’m all done.”
