Acts of Faith
First time around or fifth, a wedding is a juggling act of details, and caterers are usually right in the thick of them. “Weddings have their own set of rules,” says caterer Don Ernstein.
And what rules the rules? Emotional pressure, especially at a first wedding.
“The couple is trying to please their parents,” says another caterer, Barbara Meissner. “Meanwhile, the parents want to please relatives, impress friends, do the right thing and keep up with the status quo.”
Dynamics change with the second or third trip down the aisle. When artist Judith Ubick, a widow, met widower David Levinson, they knew the kind of party they wanted: something fun. “We wanted it to be a celebration,” says Ubick, who had been married twice before.
“Unlike my first and second weddings, this one was liberating. There were no financial obligations and no traditions.” In fact, instead of a wedding cake, she had 14 cheesecakes in various flavors.
Any couple can have what they want as long as they’re honest with the caterer. They must speak up and voice their dreams, be frank about money, keep the mothers-in-law at bay and, on the day of the wedding, be sure to eat something before the ceremony to avoid passing out during the reception. (Unlike their guests, wedding couples are so busy greeting friends and relatives, they rarely get a chance to sit down and eat.)
What are common pitfalls in planning a wedding? Several caterers gave their opinions and advice on how to minimize or avoid goof-ups. Responses came from Ernstein, of Wonderful Parties, Events and Catering, Culver City; Meissner, Barbara Meissner Catering, Bel Air; Randy Fuhrman, Creative Concept, Beverly Hills; and David Slay, David Slay Catering L.A., West Hollywood.
Get a report card: A caterer lives and dies by reputation. Ask your recently married friends about the caterers they used. Ask a prospective caterer for recent references (all good caterers supply them), and follow up by calling at least two former clients.
Understand what you’re getting: Get the caterer’s responsibilities spelled out before you hire. In particular, know the policy on garbage; some caterers won’t touch it. Some will order flowers, hire the band and photographer. Slay reminds that this will cost extra: “When they supply more than food and labor, that’s being a wedding coordinator.” You should know that some caterers, anxious for extra business, are overly ambitious in selling services; they may lack great contacts for anything but food.
Check the fine print: “When you’re talking price, some caterers don’t want to shock clients early on and will withhold information to make the party seem less expensive,” says Fuhrman. One possible point of confusion is in calculating party time. “The wedding may be for five hours. But what the client doesn’t realize until they get the bill is that four hours are needed for set-up and two hours for breakdown and clean-up. Unless they’re aware of this, they go crazy when they’re billed for 11 hours.”
Check it again: When it comes to signing the catering contract, read and reread. Learn the difference between service charge and staff, says Meissner. It’s not spelled out on some invoices, and usually the client doesn’t ask. The service charge is your gratuity, usually around 15%. It often includes insurance and is based on the entire bill.
And again: Don’t forget sales tax. It’s based on the entire catering bill, including service charge, labor, food and transportation, says Slay. Labor is billed from the time servers arrive at the reception. Caterers differ on the transportation cost: Some bill the client; others absorb it.
Watch for sleight of hand: Sometimes a caterer will have the cooks also act as servers, then bill for both services. The client pays twice.
Smaller is not always cheaper: Fixed costs, such as a band, remain the same whether you’re having 75 or 250 guests.
Detail your dream: “Most weddings are planned a year in advance,” says Fuhrman. “Couples should start to clip and save photos from magazines of great-looking food, flowers, table settings, color schemes, the dream cake. There’s all sorts of stuff. The more concrete you can be about that dream, the easier it is for us to make it happen.”
Allow time for planning: Expect to have four or five meetings with the caterer. Many caterers insist on a separate meeting with the bridal couple (minus the parents). At a later date, include the in-laws, wedding consultant (if any), even the photographer.
Bear the social dynamics in mind: Ernstein recalls one nightmare meeting: “The bride, her father and mother and his second wife started to argue about the costs. The three women got hysterical and left. The father and I ended up alone. It helps to understand the dynamics of the family, stay calm and don’t take sides. It eases tension to deal with them separately.”
Be flexible: Sometimes the guest list becomes the parents’ payback list and the couple gets miffed. “In the end, the couple has to surrender,” says Fuhrman. “It’s not worth the fight.” In one situation, he told the couple to elope and throw a big party afterward.
Clue in the photographer: Family feuds show up in wedding photos. “Tip off the photographer before the event,” Ernstein says. “Let him know why the guy in the gray suit is not smiling and refuses to stand next to the woman in blue. It gets tricky. The photographer can shoot the feuding members separately.”
Settle who pays for what: Get the families’ financial responsibilities figured out before the wedding. The “he said, no, you said” doesn’t pay bills or promote goodwill among in-laws.
A deal doesn’t necessarily save you money: Inevitably, the bride’s uncle will have a better deal on rentals than the caterer. Beware. One of Meissner’s clients had a deal on ovens. The reception for 250 required four of them. When they were delivered, they didn’t work. She later learned they were brand new and never tested. “The rental company was already closed,” she recalls. “I ended up doing carpaccio for 250 out of the filet.”
In order to save money, one of Ernstein’s clients insisted on handling some of the details. “The wrong cake was delivered and the musicians played for the ceremony, then promptly left,” he says. “The bride forgot to factor in time for the reception.”
Know your electrical requirements: Extra lighting, acoustical equipment and coffee makers may well overtax the home’s electrical capacity. One evening reception for 200 in Brentwood went dark because the client refused to rent a spare generator.
Make the plumbing party-ready: Toilet and kitchen facilities at home may work for a family of six, but with a caterer, servers and 50 guests, something’s got to give. At a wedding in Westwood for 75, Meissner learned the hard way that, despite a recent remodeling job, the kitchen drains hadn’t been touched. “When several guests reported that pesto was coming up through the shower stall drain and the toilet, I knew we had a problem.” Snake the drains before the party.
Order a sensible cake: Cakes should be designed to fit the season and space. Despite Meissner’s warning about hot sun and whipped cream, one cake at a reception in the Valley became an edible Malibu landslide and slipped off the table. One of Fuhrman’s clients, a movie star, insisted that the cake be displayed on an area described by Fuhrman as a wind tunnel. Within an hour, the six-tier carrot cake was at shoe level.
Create a contingency plan: One couple didn’t. When they were detained by a family feud and showed up 2 1/2 hours late at the reception, the 350 guests had polished off the food and finished the champagne; all but 35 had gone home.
Don’t starve the happy couple: Feed the bride and groom before everyone arrives, advise Fuhrman and Meissner. Fainting during the vows is not uncommon on hot summer days. And stash a take-away food basket in the limo. Chances are, the couple doesn’t know what was served at the reception and how it tasted, adds Meissner.
Reality check: Want to really save money? This may sound strange coming from caterers, but some admit that having the wedding at a restaurant, club or hotel is the least expensive way to go. Hiring a caterer is usually two to three times more expensive than holding it outside the home.