At Home or Not, Mom’s Role Big

* It seems to me that the stay-at-home mom who wrote the April 13 letter “Mom Makes Case Against Day Care” has made a case against working moms, not day care. That’s a real shame.

Tina Hartman writes that stay-at-home moms are made to feel that what they do is not worthwhile or significant. She believes that people think that moms who aren’t employed outside their homes are not smart enough to do anything else. Who are these people who make her feel that way? From where does this notion come? I for one know how hard her job is, and I’ll bet she works very hard at doing it as well as any person can.

But I resent the writer’s implication that mothers who work outside the home have the notion that their children aren’t important enough to deserve full-time attention. It’s unfortunate she feels that way. Moreover, it sets the stage for a very unnecessary debate.

Simply, some moms are employed outside their homes, others aren’t. Some stay-at-home moms insist that their children be polite and well-mannered, some don’t. Some working moms try to instill mainstream values in their children, some don’t. Some stay-at-home moms have children who are on drugs, use vulgar language, are bullies and have lousy self-esteem. So do some working moms.

Some parents are open-minded and accepting of people who do things--specifically moms working outside the home--differently than they do. Others are not accepting or supportive; they’re judgmental and insist that methods that differ from their own are problematic. It’s that type of thinking that can disturb moral upbringing, which the writer says is in question when children are in day care. Shame on her.

I’m not a stay-at-home mom. Neither am I a “dragon-lady career woman,” but I hold a professional job that I enjoy very much. I love my two daughters more than words can express, and I want the best for them. I also enjoy the challenge of balancing home and work.

Most importantly, though, I’d like Hartman to know that I admire any mother who loves her children and creates for them nurturing, value-centered, loving environments that foster self-confidence and positive self-image, whether or not she employs day care providers to fill in when she’s at work outside the home.

I hope that Hartman could agree that this environment should be our collective goal, regardless of the paths taken to reach it. With the best interest of all children in mind, it seems the best thing all types of moms could do is support one another as they face the challenges and reap the rewards of child-rearing.

RUTH WARDWELL

Lake Forest

* I am incensed by some of the comments by the part-time parents quoted in “Orange County Parents Sing the Praises of Day Care,” April 4.

How sad that one mother is so grateful that her 4-year-old son is “well played out and ready for bed.” How much time will that child get from his parents’ cuddling, reading, bonding, communicating? Why are these people propagating the species when they don’t want to deal with the child on a full-time basis?

These part-time parents claim their children have more experiences than those who are at home full time. I strongly disagree! Myself and my fellow full-time, stay-at-home moms should be renamed “on-the-go moms.” We are constantly out and about with our kids, taking them to interesting and exciting places to stimulate their minds and creativity, like a tour of the firehouse, the tide pools, the park, story time at the local library, museums, trips to the local farm.

What I have found is that these part-time parents have to tell themselves these things in order to assuage their guilt about dumping their children for 8 to 10 hours a day. They have made choices and put themselves in a situation that seems to require two incomes to maintain.

Don’t tell me that rousting a sleepy child out of his warm bed, shoving a quick breakfast down his throat and shuffling him out to the car at dawn is good for him!

None of these part-time parents mentioned how many illnesses their children contract in these settings. It seems like every friend of mine who has a child in day care uses vacation days for trips to the pediatrician.

My children and their playmates are bright, articulate, sensitive, outgoing and respectful children. Full-time parenting is my life’s work and for it to be so easily replaced by a day-care facility is insulting!

DEIRDRE GIBSON SEAMAN

Tustin