Better Not to Know

While traveling in China, Barbara becomes ill and Su-Ling, a Chinese woman, cares for Barbara until she is strong enough to return to the U.S. By the time she recovers, Barbara and Su-Ling have become good friends.

When she returns home, Barbara begins studying Chinese. One day, while at her lesson, Barbara asks her Chinese teacher to write a letter to Su-Ling announcing Barbara’s return to China. A mutual friend has informed Barbara that Su-Ling has liver cancer. Barbara plans to travel to her bedside. Barbara’s teacher makes the translation but strongly advises against referring to the cancer. Barbara complies.

What did it mean?

The teacher cautioned that if Barbara mentioned the liver cancer, Su-Ling would be shocked because she was probably unaware of her own condition. Barbara’s disclosure also would anger Su-Ling’s family.

The teacher’s explanation would not surprise American health care providers who treat immigrant patients. Many Asian newcomers prefer that negative medical information be withheld from the patient and instead be given to a respected family member who might make more clear-headed decisions for the patient. An ill person is sometimes too overwrought to see options clearly.

Furthermore, the common belief is that the patient would prefer not knowing the bad news. Middle Eastern families often observe this same custom.