The Pied Piper of Porcelain Crowns:You may...

The Pied Piper of Porcelain Crowns:

You may recall Bill Seavey as the ex-Angeleno who founded the Greener Pastures Institute, which holds seminars advising people how they can move away from big, bad cities such as L.A.

Now, Seavey is taking aim at the Southland economy again. He is organizing a “dental caravan” in October for Angelenos who need work performed on their teeth but don’t want to pay L.A. prices.

Seavey, whose institute is based in Pahrump, Nev., says that for a fee of $150 he will guide “your car or motor home” across an “un-busy border crossing” into Mexico and find you “well-trained, English-speaking dentists [who] can meet nearly every need you have for incredibly low prices.”

But what about those who want to buy American? How are the Pahrump dentists, anyway?

L.A. LANDMARKS: Forty-seven years ago today, horse-and-buggy days came to an official end in L.A. when authorities announced they would remove the hitching rings sunk in the curb in front of the old courthouse.

YO, SILVER! So where’s a horse to park these days? Well, there’s a McDonald’s in the Palos Verdes area that welcomes the four-legged people-movers.

In addition, Walter Renzi of West L.A. found a space reserved for “Silver” in a parking lot in Santa Monica--near a Pet Depot store. Alas, while the Lone Ranger’s mount appears to be welcome, Tonto’s horse must have to park on the street because Renzi saw no space for Scout.

DISASTROUS DIALOGUE: It’s too soon to say what line from “Volcano” will be best remembered--our money is on either, “Lava? In L.A.?” or “Better take the freeway--Wilshire looks pretty bad.”

Certainly, those two utterances rank up (or, down) there with these gems from previous cinematic assaults on the bedeviled City of Angels:

* “Once again, the LAPD is asking Los Angelenos not to fire their guns at the spacecraft.” (Newscaster Gary Cruz in “Independence Day”)

* “All trains as far south as Long Beach are covered by either a bazooka team or flame-throwers.” (A military official on eve of attack of giant ants in “Them”)

* “Tsunami! Surf’s up big time now. This is gonna be some kind of bitchin’ ride.” (Peter Fonda, before surfing Sunset Boulevard in “Escape from L.A.”)

* “This is KTTV Studios in Hollywood, to Mt. Wilson. We are being attacked by the Slime People.” (TV announcer in “The Slime People”)

* “People turning south on the freeway were startled to see three flying saucers, high over Hollywood Boulevard.” (Narrator in “Plan 9 from Outer Space”)

* “The target of the A-bomb is this nest of Martian machines in the Puente Hills. (Newsman in “War of the Worlds”)

* “Ladies and gentlemen, you’re witnessing a manhunt for the biggest man in existence. We’re in Griffith Park.” (Newsman Stan Chambers in “War of the Colossal Beast”)

miscelLAny:

Christy Edwards of the Wayfarer Veterinary Hospital in L.A. says, “You see a lot of weird things / people in this business. I received a flier in the mail that is without a doubt one of the weirdest things I’ve seen. . . .” The flier contained an article about a doctor who is marketing artificial dog testicles for pooches who “suffer from a sort of post-neutering trauma.”