Punch Lines

New for Vigilantes: An intended victim may kill a carjacker under a Louisiana bill that becomes law today. “Cut from the new bill, however, was a provision that would have allowed the driver to strap the hijacker to his front fender.” (Bob Mills)

* “Hope the term carjacking doesn’t confuse people--’Way to go, Earl, you just shot a guy changing a flat tire.’ ” (Jimmy McConnell)

* “America’s three most dangerous jobs now--fighter pilot, bomb squad duty and towing parking violators in Louisiana.” (Cutler Daily Scoop)

* “Louisiana motorists may also shoot car salesmen who say, ‘I’ll try to get the manager to give you a better deal.’ ” (Stan Kaplan)

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People with Too Much Money: “According to USA Today, exotic aquariums have become the upscale room accessory,” says Mills. “Bill Gates’ aquarium features the entire cast of ‘Baywatch.’ ”

“More royal gossip,” says Jay Leno. “It seems Princess Di has a new boyfriend. Comes from a wealthy family. He owns castles. He lives off a trust fund. Well, it’s good to see she’s not making the same mistake twice.”

* “One in three people in England say their country would be better off without the royal family,” says McConnell. “That’s no big deal. More people than that have slept with the royal family.”

“Police say actor Christian Slater said he had taken cocaine and heroin and had a blood alcohol level of .24 when he was arrested this week. In his defense, Slater said he was doing research for his lead role in ‘The Robert Downey Jr. Story.’ ” (Premiere Morning Sickness)

* “And to think just the other day people in Hollywood were saying Christian Slater couldn’t even get himself arrested in this town.” (Mark Wheeler)

Minnesota Timberwolves forward Kevin Garnett rejected a six-year, $103-million offer, says Argus Hamilton. “And that’s to play basketball from September to May. He must be another of these guys who wants a full-time job.”

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Weird Facts: “Memphis College of Art removed paintings after irate Elvis Presley fans threatened to protest works such as ‘Elvis Eaten by Ants,’ ” says the Daily Scoop. “No one has seen the artist since--and they’re afraid to look in the college ant farm.”

According to the Wall Street Journal, there is a nude church in New Hampshire. “Is this a good idea?” asks Steve Voldseth. “I mean, what happens if the bride at a nude wedding discovers the best man really is the best man?”

Reader Jayne Grant of San Diego was watching her 4-year-old nephew, Sam, in a swimming pool. He was proud that he could touch the bottom and put his face under the water. Grant suggested that he put his face in the water and count to three.

“You can’t talk underwater,” Sam replied, matter-of-factly.