Heard on the Martha’s Vineyard Grapevine

EDGARTOWN, Mass. — Notebook items from a reporter covering President Clinton’s vacation on Martha’s Vineyard, Mass.:

BILL WHO? Clinton’s visit to this tidy vacation spot may be a big thing for local civic leaders, but most of the island’s 90,000 permanent residents are taking it in stride. While there are a few “Welcome, Mr. President” signs in the island’s six picturesque villages, it is mainly tourists who have been showing up to cheer the chief executive and take a few photos. One exception has been a tongue-in-cheek “special” offered by an island bowling center: “Today Only: All U.S. Presidents Bowl Free.” Alas, Clinton is a golfer, White House aides point out. Knocking down tenpins just isn’t up his alley.

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HELLO? HELLO? Martha’s Vineyard may have everything Clinton could want for a relaxing stay, but to those who are accompanying him--White House staffers, Secret Service agents and journalists--it has been a communications nightmare. Partly because the island is so far from mainland transmitters, nationwide beepers do not work in many areas. Cell phone coverage is spotty. And even ordinary telephones sometimes do not seem to have enough signal strength on long-distance calls for computer transmissions. White House aides have been pressuring telecommunications companies to beef up their signals, but so far they’ve had little success.

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NEWS BREAK: Crime usually is not a problem here, but Edgartown Elementary School suffered a break-in last week--at the hands of some members of the press corps. The White House press secretary’s office is using the school’s gymnasium as a filing center for reporters traveling with the president, and the place was locked up tight at 1 a.m., when the press pool assigned to cover Clinton’s appearance at a party returned to file its report. Exasperated but undaunted, one enterprising reporter found an unlocked window and climbed through, opening the gym doors to the rest of the pool, whose equipment was locked inside. No charges were filed, and the culprit confessed--on condition that he not be identified.

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RUMOR MILL: Clinton’s vacation activities may not have generated much news, but his visit has produced more than its share of rumors. Not necessarily in order of importance, they include: 1. That Clinton would attend the wedding of singer-actress Barbra Streisand and actor James Brolin. (Not true.) 2. That Tiger Woods would come to play golf with the president. (Also not true.) 3. That Princess Diana was flying in to visit Washington Post publisher Katharine Graham. (Again, not true.) 4. That Clinton’s usually mild-mannered budget director, Franklin D. Raines, was dancing so vigorously at a party here one night that it goaded the disc jockey to shout, “Go, Frank! Go, Frank!” (Probably not true.)

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GUESS WHO ALREADY ATE DINNER: If President Clinton didn’t seem all that hungry at a dinner hosted by Caroline Kennedy and her husband, Edwin Schlossberg, last week, there was a good reason for it: He had already had an en-route snack--pizza. At the president’s order, the White House motorcade stopped abruptly at the Chilmark Store, where Clinton ordered an onion pizza and decaffeinated coffee. Clinton made it to his hosts’ house on time, but the plans of some other islanders may have suffered: The Secret Service kept traffic blocked while the president was munching his impromptu meal.

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CAPTAIN COURAGEOUS: Conservatives have been known to blast Clinton for not having a “moral compass” or a political rudder, but he used his vacation to prove that he is an accomplished helmsman, particularly for a novice. Encouraged to take the wheel of the Kennedy family’s sleek schooner, Mya, the president steered her skillfully, in a brisk wind and under full sail, right up to the dock. The Old Salt in Clinton surprised some of his entourage, who were expecting the worst as the Mya sped toward the pier. One staffer cringed in anticipation of a possible presidential crash. Members of the Kennedy family presumably were waiting to step in should the president falter.