Ellen’s ‘Heart Issue’: A Friend’s Report

Currently starring in NBC’s comedy “Veronica’s Closet” and the voice of Peggy Hill on Fox’s “King of the Hill,” Kathy Najimy is perhaps best known for being one-half of the feminist comedy team of Kathy and Mo and for her role as the funny nun in “Sister Act.” A longtime supporter of gay and lesbian rights, Najimy made a cameo appearance in the spring on the coming-out episode of ABC’s “Ellen.”

Najimy, who is married to actor Dan Finnerty, told staff writer Susan King about her four-year friendship with DeGeneres--who is godmother to Najimy and Finnerty’s 1-year-old daughter, Samia--and what she believes the comedian’s coming out has meant to Hollywood and the nation.

I have been involved in gay and lesbian rights since 1975. I started knowing and hanging out with gay people and seeing how wonderful they were and at the same time how difficult it was for them in this society. I have a low tolerance for injustice.

I met Ellen three or four years ago when I was a guest on her show. She was funny, smart and charming, and I was moved by her vulnerability and what she was going through in regards to her sexuality. We would sit in the trailer and talk about what was happening to her personally and politically. It was interesting to me because I know lots of gay people, and I know lots of famous people, but I had never known anyone who was famous and gay and struggling with what to do about it.

She was talking with me about her situation with the press. They were asking her questions [about her sexuality]. Like any friend, you listen and advise. I wanted her to be comfortable and happy. I felt the dilemma of the situation of being a star, a public figure, and then wanting to be honest about her sexuality. I don’t think I encouraged her as much as empathized and hung out.

People assume that if you’re lesbian or gay you’re political, and that’s not true. It’s a heart issue, not a mind issue. For me, it would have been relatively easy to come out. For her, it was really difficult. She loves her career and loves the fact that she makes people happy, and that was important to her. She knew everything that was dear to her was at stake, so it touched me even more than if some radical feminist lesbian came out. I know a lot of people had criticism about when she came out and how she came out, and I may have been one of those people before. But her coming out was more courageous than any political person I had ever seen.

It was almost for a full year we knew the coming-out show was going to happen. We would see each other socially, and she would update me on some of the ideas of the script and who they were thinking of having on. It just lasted forever. I remember when she first told me Ellen Morgan [the character in “Ellen”] and Ellen DeGeneres were going to come out at the same time, I was ecstatic. I didn’t want to get too excited, just in case she changed her mind or something happened and the network said no, but I remember I was in her pool swimming, just being nervous and excited. I was so happy for her. It was like someone being let out of jail.

What Ellen has done has made a huge impact in gay and lesbian rights. Ellen is someone people can relate to, and her being her has made being gay easier for some people to accept.

This journey with Ellen has taught me a lot. I used to be a lot less tolerant of people who didn’t come out and a lot more judgmental. Now, I feel, everybody in their own time.

Even on my own show, Ellen’s decision has made a difference. David Crane, the openly gay creator of “Veronica’s Closet,” is very active in the gay community, so we had a common interest. There is a line in the pilot where Kirstie Alley says to Josh [the gay character played by Wallace Langham], “We just want you to be happy.” That line was really important to me. I think the goal of the writers was when the cast kept saying to Josh, “You’re gay, you’re gay, you’re gay,” that it didn’t sound like we were saying, “That’s bad.” We were saying, “That’s fine. That’s great--come out and be happy.”

I think the climate has certainly changed for gays since Ellen came out. I just went to the celebration of the 100th episode of “Ellen,” and I stepped back and thought, this isn’t just talking about it. She did it, and [the series] is still on the air, and it’s 1997. It’s a big thing, and we’re right in the middle of it.

I’d be interested in talking to you in five years, for us to look back and see what happened, what type of an impact did it really have, because right now it’s very glitzy. All I can say is that I am so proud of her because I know this wasn’t an easy thing for her to do.