A Quiz to Recap the Year

This is the year that almost was.

Today is Sunday, Dec. 28, the last day we’ll be meeting like this in 1997. The boss, you see, has given me a column off for the holidays, which means my next effort isn’t scheduled to appear until New Year’s Day. And because we all deserve a clean slate in ‘98, it is only fitting that on this, the 362nd day of the year, we take a look back.

It was, by standards of L.A. in the ‘90s, a fairly calm year--no riot, no earthquake, no epic conflagrations. Oh, there was more automatic gunfire than usual--especially one day in North Hollywood--but crime was mostly down, the economy mostly up, O.J. mostly golfing. And just to see if you, dear readers, have been paying attention to the news that touched the San Fernando Valley--and my column, whether newsworthy or not--I’ve devised a pop quiz concerning some memorable events of ’97.

A No. 2 pencil is not required. Ready? Begin.

1. When Los Angeles voters approved the Proposition BB school bond measure, they promised to provide Valley students what benefits already enjoyed by inmates in the county’s Twin Towers jail?

(a) Textbooks.

(b) Public defenders.

(c) Portraits of Sheriff Sherman Block.

(d) Air- conditioning.

2. When Cal State Northridge’s Center for Sex Research co-sponsored an academic conference on prostitution at Van Nuys’ Air-Tel Hotel--drawing prostitutes from around the world--what group held a concurrent

training session at the hotel?

(a) Valley VOTE.

(b) The cast of “Boogie Nights.”

(c) The LAPD’s DARE officers.

(d) The Fernando Award Inc.

3. Fill in the blank. A place of business that claims to be the nation’s oldest -------- celebrated its 30th anniversary last spring on Van Nuys Boulevard.

(a) Frozen yogurt shop.

(b) All-cloth carwash.

(c) Lava-lamp factory.

(d) Head shop.

4. Major crimes have decreased dramatically in Los Angeles for five consecutive years. Who recently made this remark: “If [crime] decreases, it is a positive for . . . L.A. If it increases, the chief of police hasn’t done his job.”?

(a) Former Chief Daryl Gates.

(b) Former Chief Willie Williams.

(c) New Chief Bernard Parks.

(d) The late Jack Webb.

5. Speaking of “Dragnet,” here’s an easy one: To which two Valley constituencies did Councilman Mike Hernandez demonstrate his ardent devotion?

(a) Latinos and organized labor.

(b) VICA and organized capital.

(c) Disney and Warner Bros.

(d) Cocaine dealers and pornographers.

6. Which of these newsmaking members of the animal kingdom made news outside the San Fernando Valley?

(a) Dolly the sheep.

(b) Pal the pug.

(c) Babette the Chihuahua.

(d) Alissss the boa constrictor.

7. Fill in the blank. Days after the Walt Disney Co. pledged $25 million for the Disney Concert Hall, company honcho Michael Eisner exercised stock options netting him roughly -------- times that amount.

(a) Ten.

(b) Twenty-two.

(c) Fifty.

(d) Billions and billions.

8. The San Fernando Valley Culture Club, featured in this space in September, may best be described as . . .

(a) Boy George look-alikes.

(b) Valley Girls for the Getty.

(c) A 30-year-old frozen yogurt shop.

(d) An intellectual soiree of mostly 70-something women.

9. Phillips and Matasareanu are. . .

(a) A law firm.

(b) Really terrific chefs.

(c) Little League parents.

(d) Dead bank robbers.

10. And finally, eager to make her boss as popular as New York’s Rudy Giuliani, Deputy Mayor Barbie, Mayor Riordan’s diminutive aide from Mattel Inc., ultimately bought her boss a Christmas gift at . . .

(a) Bloomingdale’s.

(b) Wal-Mart.

(c) Frederick’s of Hollywood.

(d) The nation’s oldest head shop.

*

OK, that’s it. I thought about adding a bonus essay question, challenging readers to explain the cosmic meaning of it all. But I have a headache.

And because I detest those magazine and newspaper quizzes that give the multiple-choice answers by letter--you know, the way they make readers look back and forth--I’ll just sign off here by providing all the answers, counting down from 10 to 1. Here goes:

Frederick’s of Hollywood. Dead bank robbers. An intellectual soiree of 70-something women. Twenty-two. Dolly the sheep. Cocaine dealers and pornographers. New Chief Bernard Parks. Head shop. The LAPD’s DARE officers. Air-conditioning.

And that’s the way it was, sort of, in the year that almost was.

See you next year.

Scott Harris’ column appears Tuesdays, Thursdays and Sundays. Readers may write to him at The Times’ Valley Edition, 20000 Prairie St., Chatsworth, CA 91311, or via e-mail at scott.harris@latimes.com Please include a phone number.