For This Night Out, You Might Want to Stay In

You’ll have to wait until the end of Eric Berlin’s comedy “The Line That’s Picked Up 1,000 Babes (And How It Can Work For You!),” at Two Roads Theatre, to find out what the line is.

We won’t reveal it here, but it’s not worth the 80-minute wait to find out. Like a lot of jerks in singles joints, Berlin’s play promises more than it can deliver.

Structured in nine linked scenes with all the casual looseness of a fun night out, “The Line” contains the bright idea of looking at three male and three female singles as in a collage. And if you think about it, brief encounters with people in crowded places tend to be moments, flashes, collage-like.

And each encounter can also be a contained miniature drama. Berlin’s two main guys, Alan (Drew Wicks) and Benny (T.J. Paolino), understand this, and Benny’s so worked up about it that he’s stuck his pick-up-line paperback manual in his back pocket. Alan sees this as pretty stupid. After all, what would happen if--during the attempted pick-up--the book were to fall on the ground? In the best line delivery of the night, Paolino says, voice cracking: “That won’t happen.”

This energetic exchange between two nice, competitive guys gets the comedy off to a good start, but Berlin hasn’t thought through the rest of his collage. He spends a chunk of time on the unpromising, unconvincing pairing of drunk Charlie (Michael Piscitelli) and homely Fran (Senta Moses), the kind of gal who reluctantly goes to these kinds of places with pretty friend Ellen (Elizabeth Tatus).

In a series of scenes, we’re meant to believe that Fran, clearly more intelligent than Ellen, would succumb to Charlie. (Piscitelli’s drunk act is everything they tell you not to do in acting class.) Not only is there absolutely nothing about Charlie that should attract Fran, there is virtually nothing that would make Fran and self-described “bitch” Ellen best friends.

Sauntering in between these odd pairings is Diane, whom Christina Concetta plays with a sultry Mediterranean cool. Straight-arrow Alan’s attempt to pick her up sets the play right--but only for a few choice minutes. But beyond this and the moments of male bonding, this “Line” is nothing more than an act, and a not very good one at that.

* “The Line That’s Picked Up 1,000 Babes (And How It Can Work For You!),” Two Roads Theatre, 4348 Tujunga Ave., Studio City. Fridays-Sundays, 8 p.m. Ends Aug. 3. $12.50. (213) 876-8418.