Thigh Anxiety

Picture the family, three days hence, forks in hand and eager to dive into that glistening turkey skin and tasty trimmings.

Now visualize cartoon balloons over the heads of some of the diners--maybe Aunt Martha, Cousin Ann and Grandma with the text containing their deepest, darkest holiday fear:

“This meal will go straight to my thighs!”

Welcome, folks, to thigh anxiety season, the sequel. No matter that the swimsuits are safely tucked away. Between now and New Year’s Day, many of us will put on a few pounds after eating and drinking way too much at one too many party.

And some of us are certain those excess calories will speed over the lips and through the gullet, and landing on that two-legged expanse between hips and knees.

By Jan. 1, so much excess dressing and pie will have taken up residence there, or so we fear, that normally simple tasks--say, pulling on jeans--will be a chore for Crisco and a magician.

But as in many weight- and holiday-related issues, perhaps we are overreacting here.

So what’s fact and what’s fiction, thigh-wise?

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Will that meal go straight to your thighs?

Not exactly. It takes a more roundabout route. The carbohydrates, proteins and fats eaten will supply the entire body with energy to fuel activity and to power crucial body processes. And your body definitely needs some fat for a feeling of fullness. But eat extra fat and the excess is stored in fatty tissues, mostly the fat cells.

And--here’s the heartbreaking part--excess fat does prefer certain body sites. Thighs are on the A list, especially for women, along with the abdomen, nape of the neck and the back.

But don’t make turkey the scapegoat--it’s pretty sinless, especially skinless. A 3-ounce portion has 140 calories and 5 grams of fat (or, 31% of calories from fat). That’s a drop in the bucket compared to that teensy slice of pecan pie and its 24 fat grams.

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Sounds like thighs are a women-only issue. Don’t the guys fret, too?

Some do, but much more quietly than women do--and with much less drama and angst. When surveyed by Psychology Today in 1996, 61% of women polled were dissatisfied with their thighs, compared with 49% in a 1972 survey. In the 1996 survey, 29% of men said they wanted firmer, stronger thighs, compared to only 12% in 1972.

(In the small-consolation department, turkeys probably don’t have a great body image either when it comes to their thighs. For one thing, thighs are always beaten out by breasts as a favorite part. And when sold as parts, turkey thighs are likely to be exported to countries where dark meat is valued more than it is in the United States.)

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What about basic gender differences in the appearance of the thighs?

The musculature is identical, but it is much easier for men to build up their thigh muscles due to their testosterone. Women’s thighs--no big news bulletin--tend to accumulate more fat than do men’s. And once the fat is there--read this and repeat before the temptation strikes to have double dollops of whipped cream on that pecan pie--it tends to stay. Thighs have earned their reputation as a stubborn holdout area for fat.

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What percentage of the human body do the thighs make up?

Figure one thigh accounts for roughly 5% or 10% of your body weight. So if you weigh in at 120, your thighs are probably 12 to 24 pounds of that.

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Besides being the cause of lots of grief, what’s the purpose of the thighs?

They help you perform everyday tasks such as climbing stairs and propelling you from a sitting to a standing position. They also provide oooomph for sprinting.

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A little anatomy, please?

The thigh bone, or femur, is the longest and strongest in the skeleton. And yes, Virginia, the thigh bone is connected to the hip bone.

The thigh bones, thickly covered with muscles, also transmit the weight of the body’s trunk to the tibia, or shin bones.

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What about that folklore that the thighs are stuffed with hormones?

Hormones circulate throughout the body, so the thigh has no higher concentration than other body parts.

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What’s the thigh look to strive for these days?

Depends on whom you ask.

* Trainers: smooth, sculptured, sensuous for a woman; lean for a man.

* Body builders: buffed and oiled.

* Man on the street: shapely.

* Woman on the street: strong, solid, silent.

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What do models do to tone up their thighs?

To get a straight-from-the-horse’s-mouth answer, we put in calls to two modeling agencies. As luck would have it, two former models answered the phone.

Neither would comment.

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Can you really get “Thin Thighs in 30 Days,” as the book’s title suggests?

Spot reducing is a myth. A nice myth, but a myth. The best strategy: Engage in regular exercise that involves the thighs, such as step aerobics or cycling, and reduce body fat at the same time. In that way, you can improve the thigh’s appearance. No one said anything about 30 days.

But if you still fantasize about the 30-day plan, you’ll need a library card or a pack-rat friend. The book, originally published in the United States in 1986 and then revised in 1992 and 1994, is out of print.

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Help, Fashion Police! What to do for less-than-perfect thighs?

Camouflage the excess with flowing skirts, long T-shirts or relaxed fit jeans. Control top hosiery or the special shaper hosiery don’t claim to squeeze off inches, only to give you the appearance of looking slimmer. (Less-than-perfect turkey thighs are often adorned with those tiny chef-hat-like gizmos--probably to give the bird that long, leggy look.)

Simple resignation is cheaper, easier and more comfortable. You can have big thighs and be perfectly healthy.

When it comes to health, thigh fat is less risky than excess abdominal fat, which puts you at higher risk for early heart disease and other problems.

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Sources: “The American Dietetic Assn.’s Complete Food & Nutrition Guide” (Chronimed Publishing, 1996); Kris Alesna, Santa Monica exercise physiologist; Bantam Doubleday Dell Publishing Group Inc.; Ann Kearney-Cooke, clinical psychologist and director, Cincinnati Psychotherapy Institute; Richard Cotton, American Council on Exercise; Gray’s Anatomy; Hanes Hosiery Inc.; Dr. Michael Harris, endocrinologist, Century City Hospital and Cedars-Sinai Medical Center, and UCLA clinical assistant professor of medicine; Bettye Nowlin, ADA spokeswoman; National Turkey Federation; Psychology Today; Joel Schechter, USC professor of cell and neurobiology; and Bernard Slavin, USC associate professor of anatomy.