Dishing Up Food for Thought in the Cafeteria

On the subject of colorful spelling errors, Susan Huie, a medical transcriptionist at a Cerritos-area hospital, related that “our cafeteria has a theme day every month or two. They tape a large sign on the dining room door announcing the special day and listing the menu. For the St. Patrick’s Day Irish theme, they served ‘Potatoes O’Brain.’ ”

I’d hate to think the hospital was serving leftovers.

THE MUDDY . . . WHAT? And then there was the case of Jaclyn Schulman, who spelled a well-known U.S. river as “Mrs. Zipi.” Of course, Jaclyn is only in the third grade, as her mother, Kimberly, pointed out.

And the young lady did correctly name and spell her country and her state. But on a copy of her test paper (obtained exclusively by this column), I noticed that she identified her city as Sylmar.

I never realized that the secessionist movement among communities in the San Fernando Valley had soldiers as young as Jaclyn.

ARK, THE ANGELENOS SING: Evelyn Gasster of Torrance saw a flier that said we should be “prepaired” for El Nino, leading her to quip: “Is this a travel brochure from Noah’s Ark?” (see accompanying). Let’s see, this being trendy Southern California, I guess the ark would be loaded with pairs of potbellied pigs, pygmy goats, miniature horses, short-legged cats . . .

EVEN IF SALES DOUBLED . . . : Indefatigable Phil Proctor, this column’s Beverly Hills bureau chief, found a joint in Hollywood whose sign explains why it went out of business (see photo).

CHANGING SIGNALS: Doubtful that Southland motorists will ever cease making one particular insulting hand gesture, Jim Keller suggests a solution that “seems so obvious I have refrained from commenting until now. We must change the meaning of the one-finger salute to: ‘Oops, terribly sorry.’ The exact wording could be left to our able legislators, and signs could be posted at the borders of nonconforming jurisdictions to prevent misunderstandings in areas slow to adapt.”

THE TWO-FINGER SALUTE THEORY: Steven Goodman recalls the time he was “cut off by a guy while I was living in Baltimore. As I was about to blow my cool, he flashed me the peace sign. I was pacified immediately. I have used it myself ever since.”

Goodman notes, however: “Those who lived through World War II might equate this hand gesture with V for Victory, a situation that could do more harm than good.”

SPEAKING OF THE MILITARY APPROACH: Jack Whitehouse recommends “a properly rendered military-like salute, a symbol of respect and recognition” as the “ultimate communicator of apology.”

ANOTHER BATTLEFIELD IDEA: Justin Chimienti proposes that “each motorist carry a small white surrender flag in the car and when they realize they have done something wrong to a fellow motorist, they simply wave the flag out the window as an apology.”

Not only would violence be reduced but the economy would be helped, Chimienti said, explaining, “Much like the ‘Baby on Board’ signs in the ‘80s, this could be a huge marketing hit that made lots of money.”

In an aside to me, he added, “So help spread the word. Then let’s market those things!”

I’m shocked, Justin. As a reporter I could never personally involve myself in such a conflict of interest. However, several members of my family will be contacting you soon.

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Finally, David Turner of Torrance offered this thought: “Instead of concentrating on learning a universal hand signal for apology, how about concentrating on learning how to drive?” Turner makes a point worth remembering, though there’s probably some malcontent out there who’s thinking, “Oh, go jump in the Mrs. Zipi.”