Some Spring Break Greetings From Folks Who Need It

Postcards from spring break . . .

Hey guys:

After that silly Nancy Ma episode, we desperately needed a little R&R;, so here we are on a retreat at the gorgeous KOA campground in Hemet. It might sound extravagant, but don’t worry, Northridge is picking up the tab. All these tents bring back fond memories of our campus after the quake. We just can’t stop telling wacky stories about “The Incident” and laughing about it. Wishing you were here. P.S.--We pooled our dough for lottery tickets last night and didn’t win, so we are still joyfully employed at Matahome and loving it. See ya at the next crisis.

--The head honchos from Cal State Northridge

*

Dudes and Dudettes:

While soaking up a few rays by the majestic Kern River, my old job as Northridge men’s volleyball coach flashed through my head and, I have to admit, I got a little teary-eyed. Then I realized it was the suntan lotion burning holes in my corneas. People have asked if I was interested in going back there since the school was interviewing coaches for the job. My answer is simple: Only if I was reduced to selling sunglasses on a freeway off-ramp. My women’s team at Cal State Bakersfield is on the threshold of a Division II national championship and this town is one happening place. Love that Potato Festival. Check you later and stay real.

--John Price

*

Hiya:

Just a quick note between innings at another Pierce College baseball game. I’m throwing major gas today. Gosh, I hope those pro scouts are paying attention. I didn’t bolt from UC Santa Barbara and the beach to come here for the scenery or intellectual conversation. I’m here to become eligible for the June draft and to see how many shekels someone is willing to throw my way. I know it sounds calculated, but that’s what college sports are nowadays, right? It’s big business and I have to cash in before my left arm turns to mush. By the way, did you get the latest press release about me from my dad?

--Barry Zito

*

What’s up?:

Wow! I can hardly go out without someone giving me the choke sign or that other sign. Ah, those crazy kids out here in Palm Springs. What a bunch, especially that wild group from Rhode Island. Funny, though, they shadow me everywhere. I saw one of them grab my Stanford towel at the pool the other day but I thought it best to leave it alone. Even my old buddies from North Hollywood High are all over me. Man, I’ll never pull that Juan Marichal impersonation again. Next season, I’ll just stick to scoring points.

--Arthur Lee

*

Greetings:

You might be wondering what I’m doing here in Papua New Guinea. I was told by the Moorpark College football coaches that this is an untapped source of linemen. We can certainly use a few brutes on our Ventura football team after that 1-9 record last year. But I’ve canvassed this hellishly hot island and have seen nothing but little people. Maybe they meant Samoa. Anyhow, I’ll keep searching. Got to go now. I just saw Bill Norton from Pierce snooping around.

--Terry Morris