Voices

Do you wish your parents had stayed together?

“No, I’m glad they got divorced. That’s what they needed. My mother became somebody different--playful, joyous, youthful. At the time, it felt normal to me. As an adult, however, I can say it was the biggest single factor in who I am.” It’s difficult for me to be stable for any length of time without feeling uneasy. [Yet] I learned to be self-confident and to juggle a lot of emotional issues which helped me grow up.”

Christine Brockway, 26, single mother, San Pedro; was 9 when parents divorced

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“Yes. In my fantasyland, I wish my parents stayed together and were happy together. But given the way they are, I’m glad they’re not together.

“It was very bad for me. When they would visit, they would be playing me off each other. It was disgraceful.

“I felt very empty and very lonely. I married a woman who I should never have married. We were married a year and a half and then got divorced. I work harder in my relationships now.”

Anonymous, 33, doctor, New York; parents separated when he was 18, divorced six years later.

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“No. “I can’t relate to families whose parents are together. Three generations back in our family, they all got divorced. All this chaos. I hope when I grow up, I don’t have a divorce.”

Chelsea Spann, 13, student, Santa Monica; was 5 parents divorced

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“No. It was a relief. There was a lot of yelling and fighting. “I didn’t want to get married for a long time and when I did, I wanted to marry someone who would make every effort to make it a marriage that lasted forever. His parents are divorced, too. It would take a lot for us to divorce.”

Anonymous, 39, landscape architect, Long Beach; parents separated when she was 11, and again when she was 14, and divorced when she was 16.

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“No way. They were not happy together, and it created stress for everybody in the home.

“It’s very easy to get a divorce. So many of our parents did get divorced, once or twice, or three or four times. They don’t try to find the answers to some problems or work past some of the issues.” In my parents’ cse [divorce] ws a situation that was necessary for everyone involved.”

Laura Green, 38, mortgage broker, Las Vegas; age 14 when parents divorced

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“No. They weren’t nice to be around, even when they weren’t in a fight.

“People get divorced too easily, not so much caused by a lack of effort, but people get married too easily too. Even if I found a girl I really loved, I don’t know if marriage is an institution I even believe in any more.”

Anonymous, 19, college sophomore, Los Angeles; was 16 when parents divorced

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“If they could be together and be happy, I’d like that. But the thing is, if they were together, they’d probably still fight.

“I really would never want to get a divorce. If it came down to it and I was unhappy, even if I had kids.”

Anonymous, 16, high school junior, Irvine; was 7 when parents divorced