Never Say Yes in the Heat of the Moment

Stress is a major factor in many of our health-related problems. A key way to reduce stress is to simplify. By reducing clutter, commitments, tasks and expenses, your life will streamline into the Stress Free Zone. Elaine St. James tells us how.

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One basic rule you can use to keep your life simple is to never, ever agree on the spot to any request for your time. It doesn’t matter whether you’re on the phone or talking eyeball-to-eyeball, it doesn’t matter whether it’s your boss asking you to lunch or the pope inviting you to apply for sainthood--just flash a warm, friendly smile and say, “Let me check my calendar and get back to you.”

That’s it. That’s all you have to say. No need to get into the details of your hectic schedule or to explain why you have to take your dog to the vet for his third hip dysplasia operation. People don’t care about that. All they want to know is yes or no. And even though the cultural presumption is that you’ll answer immediately, and in the affirmative, you don’t have to live up to anyone else’s expectations about how you’ll spend your time.

There are three huge advantages to this tack. One, it buys you time to decide whether you really want to do this thing. Two, it gives you the opportunity to check your schedule to see, even if you’d like to do it, whether you actually have the time. Three, it’s so much easier to say you’ll get back to them than to agree on the spot that you’ll do it, and then have to call later and say no.

A second rule is to be wary of all pitches. Sainthood might be great, but it can take decades and is often a dead-end road when it’s decided you don’t meet the qualifications. I recently received an incredible offer from an editor who invited me to join him on an exciting project. The outcome he outlined was mind-boggling, and he made it sound like a breeze.

“It’ll be like a walk in the park for you,” he said, “three days max.”

Fortunately, I remembered to say I’d get back to him. It took me three days to stop drooling and get real. The outcome, when carefully analyzed, was nowhere near what he’d implied, and this walk in the park would have taken me three weeks. I called him back with a clear conscience and said, “No thanks, my schedule is booked.”

(Herein lies rule 2.5: Never let anyone else decide how long it will take for you to complete a project or drive across town for a meeting. This means you must know the pace at which you work--or drive--and analyze all offers accordingly.)

The third rule is to be realistic about the amount of time whatever it is you’re agreeing to will take, then automatically double your estimate. Awhile back I agreed to do an hourlong interview, which, in itself, I knew would be a breeze. But I overlooked the fact that it would take a couple of hours and a dozen phone calls--not counting phone-tag calls--to make the arrangements with the participants and several more calls after the meeting to confirm what we’d agreed on.

Having said all this, I believe it’s important to point out that although these are tried-and-true rules that will simplify your life, you’ll want, from time to time, to make exceptions. I know, for example, that if Robert Redford were to call and ask, in his best “Sundance Kid” voice, whether I’d care to join him for coffee, I wouldn’t even check my schedule. I’d just go.

* Elaine St. James is the author of “Simplify Your Life” and “Simplify Your Life With Kids.” For questions or comments, write to her in care of Universal Press Syndicate, 4520 Main St., Kansas City, MO 64111, or e-mail her at estjames@silcom.com.