First Lady Becomes Family’s First Defender After Speech

A day after President Clinton publicly acknowledged an extramarital relationship with a 21-year-old White House intern, his wife of 22 years took the extraordinary step of issuing a public statement of forgiveness.

Hillary Rodham Clinton is “committed to her marriage and loves her husband,” Marcia Berry, the first lady’s spokeswoman, said Tuesday. “She believes in the president, and her love for him is compassionate and steadfast.”

Mrs. Clinton’s willingness to shed her usual mania for privacy and issue a status report on herself marked a moment of unusual power, both personal and political, for the first lady.

“It is a very grand gesture, a very public gesture,” said Don-David Lusterman, a New York family therapist and author of “Infidelity: A Survival Guide.”

“If she were to go before the American people and say, ‘Hey, I knew. I’m not an idiot,’ I don’t think they’d go for it. But if she says, ‘I forgive him, I admire and respect him and want to make it work,’ the American people [will] love that.”

Many public opinion experts believe that Mrs. Clinton holds the key to her husband’s political redemption at this pivotal point in his presidency. For several months, large numbers of Americans have told pollsters that, if Mrs. Clinton is prepared to forgive the dalliance, they are inclined to consider the president’s behavior with Monica S. Lewinsky a private matter.

On Tuesday, aides struggled to distance the first lady from any participation in the president’s original denial and to portray her as hurt and bewildered. In doing so, however, they forced her into the unwelcome role of victim. And they did little to answer the question that many Americans--preoccupied as they are with the puzzling nature of the first couple’s marriage--now are asking themselves: When it comes to her husband’s marital infidelity, what did Mrs. Clinton know, and when did she know it?

Berry said Tuesday that “she learned the nature of his testimony over the weekend.” Asked however, whether the first lady knew of her husband’s behavior before then, Berry said that she had no further information.

First Lady Key to Cooling Crisis

In the immediate wake of Clinton’s speech Monday night, most polls showed general approval for the president, though there were signs of slippage in his rating. If the president hopes to stem that slide and rebuild his public image, White House political advisors had said, Mrs. Clinton must make a public show of standing by her husband. By doing so less than 12 hours after his speech, she could prove to be her husband’s most powerful ally in the court of public opinion.

But by all accounts, there is little that rankles the first lady more than demands for such public showing of her feelings. In scrape after political scrape over the president’s personal behavior, Mrs. Clinton has combatively defended the family’s right to privacy and attacked those who demanded explanations.

Ironically, a source close to the White House said that Mrs. Clinton’s efforts to protect her family’s privacy--as well as the president’s own anger at independent counsel Kenneth W. Starr--helped set the defiant tone of Clinton’s televised address. While many aides had pressed the president to adopt a more repentant tone, both of the Clintons insisted that the affair should be cast as a private matter for them--and them alone--to resolve, not a public matter to be exploited by political adversaries.

A Most Private Public Figure

On Tuesday, Berry said Mrs. Clinton was “uncomfortable with her personal life being made so public.” And she acknowledged that the public airing of the president’s behavior had been “painful” for the first lady. That in itself was a remarkable admission for a woman about whom one close friend, Hollywood producer Linda Bloodworth-Thomason, once said: “They’ll never make her cry in public.”

“This is not one of the best days of her life, but her strong religious faith is something she’s relying upon,” Berry said. “It’s not a happy day, clearly. But she is looking forward to going on vacation with her family and having some private time together.”

On Tuesday afternoon, the president and Mrs. Clinton emerged from their living quarters for the first time since Clinton’s short address to the nation. Bound for Martha’s Vineyard, where they are to vacation for most of the next two weeks, the couple rushed to a waiting helicopter on the south lawn of the White House, each holding a hand of their daughter, Chelsea.

Among Mrs. Clinton’s admirers, both inside and outside the White House, there were many who defended the first lady’s comments Tuesday as a dignified response to unrelenting pressure. While many expressed hurt on her behalf, they also expressed disappointment in her husband and, occasionally, wonderment at the first lady’s willingness to stand by him.

“The very fact that somebody did us wrong in our relationships doesn’t necessarily make us a victim,” said Elizabeth Toledo, vice president of the National Organization for Women. “The character of a feminist is how we respond to these challenges. It may sometimes be the right response to end the marriage, sometimes not. Forgiveness is a tremendous character strength as well as self-confidence. She can have both throughout this.”

Boston University sociologist Alan Wolfe added that, while Americans appear to be deeply confounded by the Clintons’ marriage, they are likely to respect Mrs. Clinton more--not less--for standing by it.

“People may say: ‘That isn’t the way I would want to run my marriage but, if they can negotiate this, I can live with that.’ There’s a sense that it’s become so complicated to keep a marriage together that any marriage that lasts--however unusual its terms--is in a funny way to be respected.”

But while Mrs. Clinton’s public image is certain to gain further strength from her latest statement, it remains unclear whether her husband will be the ultimate beneficiary.

“From a political perspective, he’s treated Mrs. Clinton with respect. He really seems to value her opinion and political perspective,” Toledo said. “But clearly, it’s a very disrespectful act to have an affair and to lie about it. In the same way that he’s made a distinction between women to be respected--[Atty. Gen.] Janet Reno and [Secretary of State] Madeleine Albright--and women like Monica Lewinsky that he can disrespect, he’s separated the wife Hillary Clinton from the political Hillary Clinton. It is despicable. It really is a very disturbing character flaw.”

Indeed, Mrs. Clinton has been portrayed by White House officials as a key political and legal strategist who has advised her husband since reports first surfaced in January about his relationship with Lewinsky. But in the wake of the president’s public admission, the first lady’s own credibility was on the line, since she too has repeatedly denied any presidential affair.

For many Americans, it will take more than a statement issued through a spokeswoman to prove that the first marriage has withstood this cataclysm.

According to former Clinton political advisor James Carville, the president is more likely to be spending time “in the woodshed” than in fond embrace with his wife. Either way, the next several weeks could prove crucial not only for Clinton’s political fortunes but for his marriage as well.

Pivotal Days Ahead for First Family

In that, too, marriage therapists said Mrs. Clinton now holds most of the cards.

“After the lying stops, there’s the initial reaction of anger on the part of the betrayed spouse, then followed by the recognition that the marriage is more important than the anger,” said Frank Pittman, a psychiatrist who specializes in treating families torn by infidelity. “There can be a level of intimacy that hasn’t been there for a long time and the relationship can be better than where it started.”

(BEGIN TEXT OF INFOBOX / INFOGRAPHIC)

Her Words of Support

Aug. 12, 1998

“I think a lot of this is prejudice against our state. They wouldn’t do this if we were from some other state.”

--Interview with the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette

****

Jan. 27, 1998

“We get a politically motivated prosecutor, who is allied with the right-wing opponents of my husband . . . It’s not just one person. It’s an entire operation . . . This is the great story here for anybody willing to find it and write about it and explain it is this vast right-wing conspiracy that has been conspiring against my husband since the day he announced for president.”

--Interview on NBC-TV’s “Today Show”

****

Jan. 28, 1998

“I have talked to my husband about everything, but I don’t, you know, ever talk about my conversations with my husband. But I can state unequivocally that, as my husband has said, these are false allegations.”

--ABC TV’s “Good Morning America”

****

Oct. 15, 1995

“My husband and I rejected long ago that marriage was a 50-50 proposition: We see it as 100-100, where both partners have to give their all and persevere through the crises and challenges that inevitably arise in any couple’s lives.”

--Syndicated column

****

June 1994

“This year has taxed every fiber of my being. I do not want to be a cynical person. I do not want to be an embittered and angry person. I do not want to even spend time thinking about the people who I know spend their entire day thinking aboout how to destroy my husband and me.”

--Working Woman

****

December 1992

“I love my husband, and I love my country, and I can’t imagine a better place to be than where I will be after Jan. 20. I want to make a difference.”

--Time Magazine

****

Jan. 26, 1992

“I’m not sitting here, some little woman, standing by my man like Tammy Wynette. I’m sitting here because I love him, and I honor what he’s been through and what we’ve been through together, and, you know, if that’s not enough for people, then, heck, don’t vote for him.”

--CBS-TV’s “60 Minutes”

Researched by TRICIA FORD / Los Angeles Times