A Little Autry Goes a Long Way

A weekly roundup of unusual news stories:

‘No, Not the Manilow!’: Teens who violate the local noise ordinance in Fort Lupton, Colo., are being ordered to listen to an hour of either Gene Autry, Hank Williams Jr. or Ludwig van Beethoven.

Municipal Judge Paul Sacco said the music list will vary over time, depending on what teens hate the most: “Maybe we’ll put those kids in a room with Barry Manilow for an hour.”

*

Another Savior-Napping: Police in Illinois found Jesus at a bar and grill. He was with Christopher Gaskill, 24, who was charged with misdemeanor theft for taking a baby Jesus figurine from a nativity display in the town square. Gaskill and two other people brought it to an Applebee’s in Fairview Heights.

“We were just borrowing him,” said Gaskill, a graphic arts student. “It was a case of having a couple of cocktails in a boring town. We were driving around and it was like, ‘Hey, let’s take baby Jesus out for a drink and see if he could turn water into wine.’ ”

*

Dirty Laundry in Space: Russian researchers may have solved a problem that has been perplexing scientists since space travel began: how to dispose of astronauts’ dirty underwear.

Washing machines can’t be hauled into outer space so the scientists are looking at a combination of microbes that will eat the cotton and paper shorts worn by space travelers. “This will be a revolution in the science of biodegradation,” Vyacheslav Llyin told New Scientist magazine.

The researchers are still looking for the right combination of bacteria, but they hope to have the disposal unit up and running by 2017.

*

Anti-Drug Message Goof: A company in New York is trying to remedy an embarrassing situation that resulted when it made some pencils bearing the message “Too Cool to Do Drugs.”

A sharp-eyed fourth-grader noticed that when the pencils are sharpened, the message turns into “Cool to Do Drugs,” then simply: “Do Drugs.”

The company recalled the pencils. A new batch will have the message written in the opposite direction, so when they are sharpened, they read “Too Cool to Do” and finally “Too Cool.”

*

News McNuggets:

* New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani will play “Earl the Squirrel,” a good-natured, mischief-making rodent in a new HBO animated special, according to the New York Daily News.

* A judge has ordered an investigation of a French couple who sent their 7-year-old son to school on a dog leash, apparently to shame him for bad marks.

* Thieves who uproot pine trees around Washington State University may be in for a smelly surprise. Groundskeepers are spiking young evergreens with a rancid mix of oil, water, essence of skunk and coyote urine. The potent brew freezes or dries without a hint that anything is amiss--until the tree is brought indoors to warmer air.

* Dr. Love, a San Francisco train driver known for serenading commuters with soul classics, has been ordered by the transit authority to stop singing into speakers that broadcast outside the train. However, he can still sing on the train.

* A police officer in Virginia was fired for using pepper spray in a confrontation with a 77-year-old woman who had stopped her car on the wrong side of the road to get her mail.

*

Wide World of Weird is published on Sundays. Off-Kilter runs Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays.