Read It Here First: What’s in the Cards for ’99

Where is the human race headed? Will 1999 be the last year of relative peace before doomsday? And in the meantime, will you finally shed those extra 10 pounds of flab this year?

Of course, nobody really knows the answers to these and other pressing questions. Or do they?

Psychics Kenny Kingston and Sylvia Browne believe they can see a thing or two about the future. Kingston, a Studio City resident, gained widespread popularity with his long-running infomercials on late-night television. He describes himself as a “well-rounded psychic” who is well-versed in past lives, soul mates, communicating with spirits, channeling and reading auras.

Browne has received nationwide exposure for her psychic abilities as a frequent guest on “The Montel Williams Show,” where she is scheduled to appear Wednesday. She frequently lectures about life after death, reincarnation, UFOs, ghosts and the purpose of life.

Here are some of their insights into the new year.

Kenny Kingston’s predictions for 1999:

1. This is the year to buy property. You should pay cash if possible.

2. Cell-phone use in cars will be restricted. There’s a good chance fines will be imposed on drivers who use cell phones for nonemergencies.

3. Doctors will warn Americans against drinking too much water. Excessive water consumption has afflicted some Americans with chronic fatigue.

4. President Bill Clinton will entertain thoughts of suicide, and he should be kept under constant watch.

5. Clinton will become temporarily incapacitated while in office, causing Al Gore to assume the presidency for a short time.

6. Gore and Hillary Clinton will form a “close alliance” that will not be in the best interest of the president.

7. In spite of the presidential scandal, Clinton will probably only be censured and not ousted from office.

8. Although this may not happen in 1999, the Clintons will eventually separate. Hillary will then seek election as a U.S. senator but will lose.

9. Madonna will realize that her new daughter is actually the reincarnation of Eva Peron.

10. Donald and Ivana Trump will reunite.

A few bonus observations from Kingston:

* Adolf Hitler did not die in his underground bunker. Instead, he worked as an accountant in Austria and passed away at the age of 91.

* “On the other side,” Sonny Bono is very upset that his wife has taken his congressional seat.

* Do not speak the word “earthquake.” It gives the event more energy, making it more likely to occur.

Sylvia Browne’s predictions for 1999:

1. The stock market will take a big dip in November.

2. Clinton’s impeachment issue goes away.

3. Ken Starr will be investigated for extravagant spending.

4. Monica Lewinsky will try--and fail at--modeling.

5. There will be terrorist attacks in Florida and London.

6. Two embassies will be attacked in Egypt and South Africa in July.

7. California will suffer a drought that will last until 2000.

8. The United States calls for an air attack on Iran in July.

9. The further breakdown of the ozone layer will lead to increased problems with memory loss, hair loss, eyesight problems and other strange illnesses.

10. Be wary of a witch hunt that begins in March involving public officials or celebrities. Most allegations will prove false. This is due to the media seeking big ratings with sordid stories.

Bonus observations from Browne:

* Aliens will begin to show themselves in 2010. They will not harm us. They will teach us how to use anti-gravity devices, such as they did for building the pyramids.

* Atlantis will begin to show itself by 2023 and will be fully visible by 2026.

* People will be able to “walk out” of their bodies upon death.