The Day Moses Came Down From the Mount of City Hall

Earlier this month, Moses came down from the mountaintop (City Hall) to visit his people of the Valley. He said, “Gather around me Valleyites, for I have spoken to God and he has given me 10 commandments to give to you.”

As the Valleyites gathered ‘round their leader, they asked him to tell them the first commandment. Moses said, “The first commandment is, ‘Thou shalt not seek independence from thy brethren from over the mountains.’ ”

A murmur arose from the crowd. One Valleyite asked Moses why Valleyites should not leave. Moses said, “You will experience many plagues if you separate from the people over the mountains. Besides, we cannot afford to lose you; you are our middle class.”

Another Valleyite said, “But Moses, we have plenty of our own poor to care for. Don’t you live with those wealthy people in Brentwoodian? Why do we have to pay for them?”

Moses said he had two tribunals studying how to make things better for his people of the Valley. He said things would be much better after the tribunals came forth with their studies.

A Valleyite asked Moses: “Are not the tribunals made up of your enemies? Why do you believe they will make things better for us?”

Moses replied, “Just trust me.”

Moses then told the Valleyites it would cost them many more shekels if they left the people from over the mountains.

“But Moses, don’t we already pay a lot more shekels?” asked the crowd. “Our neighbors, the Calabasians and Burbankites, pay a lot less than we do.”

Moses told the Valleyites they would lose his guards and fire chariots if they left, and “after all, did I not give you two new fire chariots last year?”

A Valleyite called out, “Moses, we only get half as many of your guards now as our brethren over the mountain and we have far too few fire chariots.”

Another Valleyite asked, “Can’t we hire our own guards and use our own fire chariots?”

Then Moses said, “If you leave the people over the mountains, you will have no water.”

A young mother Valleyite yelled out, “Moses, stop! You are scaring the children!”

Another asked, “Wasn’t that our water in the first place? Someone ask Brother Mulholland.”

Moses cautioned his people of the Valley that they should not dream of how wonderful their lives might be if they were free. “If you don’t obey me, many plagues will come down upon you,” he said.

Then one old Valleyite said: “Moses, we have heard these fearful claims for years. Can you tell us any new reason not to leave the people from over the mountains? Did you not tell us we are free people and can make our own choices?”

Moses answered: “I have offered you no positive reasons to stay with the people from over the mountains. I have offered you only plagues if you go--and no proof that these plagues will occur. I know you want to separate. All I ask is that you wait until I am not in charge. If you must leave, can’t you wait until King Saul or King David takes over?”

The old Valleyite said, “That’s right, Moses, you will be in charge for only three more years; what happens after you leave?

“And by the way, Moses, what is the second commandment?”