Lewinsky Crass, er, Class, Is in Session
A glance at the near future . . .
Message from the dean:
Thank you for your interest in Paparazzi University’s extended learning program for working professionals who wish to enhance their careers in journalism and open doors to the future by returning to the classroom.
It was our pleasure to have sent you this catalog for spring 1999.
We at PU are proud of our faculty and of the rich and versatile resource we are providing journalists as they face the challenges of the new millennium. What principles guide our curricula at PU? They are epitomized by the inspirational words spoken by our most recent commencement speaker, Lisa Gregorisch, executive producer of “Hard Copy.” In advance of Monica S. Lewinsky’s emotional homecoming at her father’s Brentwood residence in February 1998, Gregorisch declared:
“We’re licking our chops. We’re at the airport, we’re at the house, we’re at her dad’s offices. This story has legs as long as Monica’s.”
It certainly would be worth your while to learn more about our program and what PU can offer you. To start on this path, see the sampling of courses on Pages 25-30 in the catalog.
* The Art of Frenzy 101. Veterans of the O.J. Simpson, Richard Jewell and Monica S. Lewinsky campaigns share such time-proven techniques of chaos as the mad rush, the midnight ambush, terror at dawn by the herd and the flying tackle as a means of bringing down someone seeking to flee an interview.
* Tracking Celebrities by Radar 236. Features a three-hour high-tech lab instructing students in operating the Celebrity Tracker 2000 radar system, developed specifically for Monica S. Lewinsky’s visit to Los Angeles and successfully employed first by the CBS News program “48 Hours” to monitor her movements inside her father’s house.
* Screaming Your Questions 241. When police or security guards impede you from doing your job, here is a blueprint for being heard at distances of up to three blocks without use of an electronic device. Used effectively in 1998 to circumvent tight police restrictions on the presence of electronic media at the home of Monica S. Lewinsky’s father. Guest lecturer: Sam Donaldson. Prerequisite: The Art of the Booming Voice in the Service of the Unanswerable Meaningless Question 117.
* Reporting Stories Without Sources 486. A seminar. Enrollment limited. Prerequisite: Exclusive Stories Firmly Based on Rumor 317 or Commentary Derived From Innuendo 322 or If You Have No Sources, Fabricate Them 301.
* Guilt by Association: How to Employ It, How to Deny It 211.
* Getting the Most Out of Your Meaningless Live Stand-Up 192.
* Avoiding the Deadly Traps of Accuracy and Integrity 501. A seminar. Limited enrollment. Instructor: Scholar-in-residence Matt Drudge.
* The Art of the Perfect Vantage Point: Camera in the Window 268. Prerequisite: The Art of Climbing a Tree With Video Equipment 167. Includes devastating CNN telescopic shot of Monica S. Lewinsky hugging her attorney, William Ginsburg. In addition, guest lecturer Tom Brokaw recalls the journalistic thrill and sense of achievement he and Stone Phillips experienced while bungee-jumping together into the Lewinsky chimney to obtain exclusive footage later aired on “Dateline NBC.”
* The Importance of Titillation 199. One session. Footage of mud-wrestling Monica S. Lewinsky look-alikes introduced and analyzed in-depth by scholar-in-residence Jerry Springer.
* The Art of the Intrusive Stakeout 392. A practicum in which students will join a professional camera crew in a live late-night stakeout on the front lawn of a sleeping individual suspected of not wishing to speak to the media. Prerequisite: Occupying and Frightening Neighborhoods in the Dead of Night 304.
* Pop Her With a Chopper 417. One session. Analyzes famous live footage from cameras in local news choppers pursuing the car taking Monica S. Lewinsky to LAX for her return flight to Washington, D.C. Includes oft-aired revealing shot of her hugging her father.
* The Public’s Right to Know 213. A practicum on meeting the critical challenges facing media from fanatical advocates of personal privacy. Students will be instructed in wiring their business cards for sound and using such cutting-edge technology as the nosecam, which fits inside the nostril. Prerequisite: The Necessity of Abusing the Public on Behalf of the Public’s Right to Know 202.
* Be a Bush 354. Why hide behind a bush when you can become one? Journalists versed in the art of deception instruct students in using creative disguises in pursuit of stories that cannot be obtained by conventional means. Includes famous nosecam footage taken by Ted Koppel when he penetrated the Lewinsky household in 1998 by pretending to be a Fuller Brush man.
* Anything Goes 582. An exciting scenario for the new millennium.