Martin Steers His Drive and It Misses the Fair Way

Well, so ends the story of Casey at the Tee.

Casey didn’t whiff. He won. From this day on, Casey Martin, 25, is an honest-to-Snead pro golfer. Congratulations to you, Case, on your landmark victory for game-legged golfers everywhere. May you beat Tiger Woods by 12 strokes and ride off into an Augusta sunset.

Oh, and by the way, Casey. . . .

Come on over here to the Winter Olympics, to watch the kid who needs the kidney transplant, Mike Peplinski of the United States, compete in curling. He doesn’t use a cart.

Come on over to watch the 44-year-old woman with Hodgkin’s disease, Anne Abernathy of the Virgin Islands, compete in the luge. She doesn’t use a cart.

Come on over to watch the man who lost his left leg and his right hand when a land-mine exploded, Chris Moon, as he runs in carrying the torch. He didn’t use a cart.

Bob Dole, forgive me.

I know you mean well. I know you empathize with young Casey, in seeking equal rights for the disadvantaged. Bob, any time Casey wants to run (or ride) for president of the United States, by all means, I will back his campaign. I was for FDR. I would have hailed you, had you become chief.

But this isn’t fair play, Bob. This is unfair play.

I am not a disabled-basher, Bob. It makes me sick, to be accused of that. But doggone it, being disabled doesn’t automatically make you right.

Casey Martin’s contention is that an electric cart won’t give him an edge over the walking golfers who play for millions of dollars. This is golf balderdash. Mark Twain didn’t call golf “a good ride spoiled.”

You don’t drive a baseball player around the bases.

You don’t drive a football player around left end.

You don’t fly a mountain climber up the mountain.

You don’t give a Tour de France bicyclist a motor scooter.

You don’t give a bobsledder a snowmobile.

A golfer is supposed to have caddie, not a Cadillac.

After the Olympic opening ceremony, a Japanese junior high school student, Kiyomi Motojima, wrote an essay for the school paper. Part of it was translated like this: “Do you remember the guy with an artificial leg, one of the final Olympic flame carriers? I would like to write him one impressive message. That is, ‘Every human being has a purpose for his or her existence.’ Chris-san is the type of person who never says anything that is trendy.”

Casey Martin is trendy. Isn’t it interesting, the way people hop on his electric bandwagon?

“Let him play!” is their entire message.

Unequivocally.

And now, you watch. Watch when Jack Nicklaus says that his back has been killing him for years, and how using a cart would have knocked two to five strokes off his score. Will Jack get sympathy? Not a whit. Because he wasn’t technically “disabled.” He was only in pain.

The PGA’s lawyer, William Maledon, put it this way to the judge:

“I know, your honor, there is a substantial amount of public sympathy for Mr. Martin. I sympathize with Mr. Martin as well. That is not what this case is about. The right thing would be to decide this case based on applicable law, not in accordance with public opinion.”

First time I’ve agreed with a lawyer in the ‘90s.

But that’s not how the Casey case turned out. A judge judged the PGA Tour unfit to decide which of its golfers are fit. Martin gets his cart.

He gets to ride to his ball, get out, hit the ball, get back in, ride to his ball. Everybody else has to walk 6,000 to 7,000 yards a day, up hills, down hills, in 90-degree heat, no awning overhead, 72 holes per tournament, 90 if it’s the Bob Hope, plus practice, plus the pro-am, no matter how sore their feet, tight their calves, weak their knees or bad their backs.

Remember, this is a sport where a 49-year-old is playing against a Tiger on equal footing. The older guy gets no edge. Whatever Woods has to do, he has to do.

This isn’t personal.

I wish Casey Martin eagles and aces. I hope he shoots a 59. That’ll open some eyes.

Casey wins the Masters!

Casey wins the British!

Casey wins the Greater Greensboro Kmart Classic!

That should be about the time Woods steps up and says, “If he gets to use a cart, then everybody gets to use a cart. I get to use a cart.”

Then, Tiger goes out and shoots an 18.