Negative Influences on Girls’ Self-Image

Eating dinner at my friend’s house, I nearly fell off my chair when her 11-year-old daughter suddenly blurted out, “God, my thighs are so huge.”

What you have to understand is that Molly is a terrific athlete. A star soccer player, she’s not only the fastest girl in her school’s the entire fifth grade, she can also outrace every one of the boys. But even if she couldn’t, she has great-looking legs. Believe me, Elle Macpherson has nothing on this girl. And still, when she studies her thighs, she sees ugly fat.

At 11 years old.

Yep, right on schedule.

In my more than 20 years of working in the fitness industry, I’ve yet to meet a single woman who thinks her body is fine as it is. No matter how great everyone else says she looks, the typical woman will invariably find fault with either her tummy, her tush, her hips or her thighs, if not all of them. Sometimes, it seems that her choice of problem area is arbitrary, since the body part she complains about is as fit as the others.

What these attitudes reflect is our society’s idea of some idealized female form. That ideal has, of course, changed over the years. It’s now impossible to imagine that 400 years ago, the plump women who graced Rubens’ paintings were considered sexy. As a matter of fact, things have gotten so out of whack that if Marilyn Monroe showed up today, she’d be considered full-figured. The models who pose for ads selling everything from jeans to cars to perfume are likely to be underweight little waifs who look as though they need a hearty meal.

Naturally, pre-adolescent girls are not deaf to these not-so-subtle messages. I’d even venture to say that their tender age makes them more vulnerable to Madison Avenue’s and Hollywood’s promises of beauty and happiness.

But it doesn’t stop there. They also hear adults--their parents!--unintentionally endorsing the idea that their bodies are less than perfect. Maybe it’s because people who don’t know me well suppose that I’m judging their bodies. But if I’ve heard it once, I’ve heard it 50 times: A parent whose kid has gotten a little chunky will say to me, in front of the child, something like, “Poor Susie. She obviously has her father’s genes. She’ll be battling weight problems all her life.” And then they’ll talk about this girl’s diet--either their plans for putting her on one, or the one she’s already on. That makes me want to scream.

Nothing could be worse for a young girl, whose body is evolving in wondrous ways, than to begin dieting. Depriving her body of foods she no doubt enjoys and needs may very likely screw up her metabolism, creating countless health problems for her down the road, including osteoporosis. Besides that, it’s psychologically damaging. What girls need to hear is not that something’s wrong with the way they look. What they need to understand, and believe, is that their goal is to have a healthy body. And healthy bodies come in all shapes and sizes.

When Molly announced that her thighs were too large for her taste, I waited to hear what her parents would say. Her dad reacted first.

“No, they’re not,” he said. “They’re fine.” End of subject.

While his dismissal of her comment was well-intentioned--he didn’t want to dignify a statement that he believed was incredibly silly--it did nothing to clarify this most confusing of issues for Molly. Neither he nor Molly’s mother understood how serious it felt to Molly.

After dinner, with her parents’ permission, I took Molly aside and told her that I thought she had beautiful, athletic legs--legs that would carry her to endless fun and maybe even glory in the sports she chose. Explaining the physiological dangers of dieting, I also acknowledged that females in our society are indeed judged in part on how they look.

But they’re also judged by their minds and their spirits, and the confidence with which they present themselves. Their personalities are like a three-legged stool. Each leg has to be the same length, or the stool will topple. If women focus too narrowly on just their looks, they’ll never develop the other parts. And if that happens, the only people they’ll be able to attract to them will be those who are just as shallow as they are. Besides, eventually comes the time when the beauty they’ve worked so hard to develop will desert them, as it does everyone. Then what?

I don’t know this girl well enough to predict whether my words struck home, though they clearly seemed to. Whether they have any influence is another question. Only the years will answer that uncertainty.

As I think about the millions of Mollys out there--and their mothers and sisters and aunts and friends--what troubles me are the influences bearing down on females of all ages. Where are the voices that proclaim, “You’re fine just the way you are”?

Copyright 1998 by Kathy Smith

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Thanks to Greeta Sikand for her question about body image. Kathy Smith’s column appears every Monday in Health. Reader questions are welcome and can be sent to Kathy Smith, Health, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053. If your question is selected, you will receive a copy of her video, “Functionally Fit Peak Fat Burning.” Please include your name, address and a daytime phone number with your question.