A Window Into Turbulent Young Minds

Today’s column looks at the dreams of some sophomores and juniors at Gabrielino High School in San Gabriel, who wrote in as an assignment from their English teacher, Robin Stand. Adolescence can be a difficult time of transition. Dreams can offer a window into emotional health; a discussion of dreams around the breakfast table, or in the car on the way to school or soccer practice, could be a comfortable opportunity for kids to discuss their fears and anxieties, and could give parents some helpful insights.

Dear Cynthia: I am fighting in a war. I don’t know who I am fighting for. I see soldiers shooting everywhere. I never get shot, but I run to people to ask them what is going on and before they can answer, they get shot. Strangers tell me to shoot at anyone. I decide not to listen, and I start running, but I don’t get anywhere. Then everyone disappears and I am in a desert.

--ISELA DE LA SIERRA

Baldwin Park

Dear Reader: Your dream reflects that life for you is a confusing battle. You are not sure what is going on or whose side you are on. You wonder who your true friends are. You are running throughout the dream, an indication that your life seems frantic to you. You are willing to ask for help, but helpful people are unavailable. Other people tell you to shoot. You are not comfortable with this so you run away. You would rather retreat than confront, or be around confrontational people.

But running doesn’t get you anywhere, and everyone else disappears. You are afraid of losing your friends by fighting with them. But you end up in the desert, alone anyway.

Perhaps you should take an assertiveness class and learn to be comfortable with confrontation, a necessary life skill. Choose your battles, but remember, others will respect you for being truthful.

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Dear Cynthia: This dream has recurred several times since I began high school a year ago, though it is becoming less frequent. I dream that I am dead. I either kill myself or my death is the result of a drive-by shooting where I’d been an innocent bystander. I die at a different location every time I have the dream--but I’m always somewhere at school. New people witness my death in each dream, but my parents are never among them. Am I wishing to die?

--MAX MENDOZA

San Gabriel

Dear Reader: Your dream reflects the anxiety you feel at being in high school, a scary new situation. A part of you--the younger you--is dying. To fit into your new environment, you have to get accustomed to a whole new set of rules and circumstances, which explains why in every dream you’re in a different place, surrounded by different people.

When we dream of being killed, it means we think we have lost control, as though others have more say in our lives than we do. When we dream of killing ourselves, we are in control and are choosing to remove ourselves from an uncomfortable place. Your dream images are disturbing, to say the least. They reflect the dangerous and violent world we live in.

But they also reflect a rite of passage: The “boy” part of you is ending so that the young man can take his place. Also, now that high school no longer is quite so scary and new, you’ve been having the dream less often.

Since your parents never witness your “death,” I suspect you are not communicating with them. Sharing your feelings and fears with people who love you can be very reassuring. If possible, reach out to your family for understanding and support. And if you ever have suicidal thoughts while awake, go to your school counselor’s office for a session. Depression is a very real concern for adolescents and can be treated very successfully with psychotherapy and / or medication.

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Dear Cynthia: I had a dream that I was melting! I was lying on my bed watching my body melt! I wasn’t scared. I think I pretended not to notice. I was looking around the room nonchalantly, occasionally looking at my melting body, and then back at the room. When everything had melted except my neck and head, the melting stopped. My head and neck were there and my body was liquid. That’s when I woke up.

--ALMA AGUILERA

San Gabriel

Dear Reader: As our bodies develop, preparing us for eventual sexual activity and childbirth, we can become overwhelmed with confusing emotions. In your dream, your body changes (on your bed, which symbolizes sex, and into liquid, which can symbolize emotion). I suspect that privately (your dream took place in your bedroom), you are a bit uncomfortable about all this. In the dream, you “pretended not to notice.”

You will be feeling certain sexual feelings and wondering what is normal. Your thoughts may be very different from your feelings (in your dream, your head and body wound up in different states). The disappearance of your body in the dream could indicate your discomfort with the attention your body gets. Perhaps you feel pressured to get involved in sexual activity before you are ready.

If you can, discuss your concerns with your mom or another adult woman whom you trust. Every woman has gone through this transition, and hearing other people’s stories can set your mind at ease.

* To contact Cynthia Richmond, write to “In Your Dreams,” Life & Style, the Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053, or send a fax to (213) 237-0732. Please include a daytime phone number. Letters should be no longer than 100 words and cannot be returned. “In Your Dreams” should be read for entertainment purposes only.