He Isn’t Taking This Loss Placidly

Tomorrow was a good day for me. (Or yesterday, or whatever day it was in America.)

I watched a little TV. (One advertisement featured Tommy Lasorda in a kimono.) I enjoyed the Clint Eastwood movie, “Unforgiven,” in Japanese. (“Konban wa, Little Bill!”) And then I watched a bunch of Russians ice-dance to the theme from “Riverdance.” (I hear Michael Flatley tried this for Ireland, but he put his boot right through the ice.)

This morning (or next Thursday, whatever day it was), I had my usual breakfast here, tossed salad and scrambled eggs.

Oh, and yesterday I caught a little ice hockey.

I watched our scrappy Team USA youngsters (OK, so a couple of them are 36 years old) play their red-blooded hearts out against the Mighty Canucks of Canada. Our boys seemed quite pleased with themselves when it was over, several of them calling it “our best game so far” at the Olympics.

I almost hesitate to point out that the Canadians beat us flatter than a slab of bacon.

Maple Leafs 4, Stars 1.

We didn’t even score a goal until the Canuck pucksters had all four of theirs. By that time, I am pretty sure that Canada’s goaltender, Patrick Roy, had taken off his mask and was standing in the crease with his gloves off, smoking a cigarette and thinking about clipping his fingernails. Wayne Gretzky was behind the bench, taking a nap. Eric Lindros was over at In ‘n’ Out Sushi, ordering lunch.

The defeat gave our lads a record here of a not-too-1980-like 1-2.

This is getting embarrassing.

At Lake Placid, we won a gold medal against the Soviet Union’s and Sweden’s and Finland’s professionals by using the likes of Jim Craig, Dave Silk, Mike Eruzione and William “Buzz” Schneider.

Average age of our team: 22.

Now, here we are in Japan, buttressed by nearly two dozen of the NHL’s baddest dudes, the creme de la creme (I speak a little French-Canadian) of paid-professional hockey, grown men who shave every morning, such as Brett Hull, Mike Modano, Jeremy Roenick and Mike Richter, and how is the old Home of the Brave doing?

We have played three opponents.

We beat one--Belarus.

I am telling you, this is a tad unsettling. What is it to beat Belarus, anyway? It’s like beating Oregon State.

Maybe we won’t even win a medal, let alone a gold.

“We want a medal, but let’s not kid each other. If we don’t, we won’t hang ourselves or anything,” Roenick said, which must be a relief for all you Phoenix Coyote fans out there.

I wrote the other day about Chris Chelios and Pat LaFontaine, two of our players who also were on our Olympic team in 1984. We placed seventh in that one, with a record of 2-2-2.

That means in nine Olympic games, Chelios and LaFontaine have won three.

Not a very strong effort by the Big Red, White and Blue Machine. We scored two goals against Sweden and one against Canada. We aimed and missed from point blank. We threw everything at Roy but the kitchen hibachi. Zero. Zip. OK, one piddling little goal by Hull, long after the fat lady had sung.

Were our players sad?

Au contraire, mon ami. (For you Montreal fans.)

Joel Otto: “We’re not frustrated, we’re pleased. We played very well. Patrick just came up big. That’s what he’s paid for.”

Doug Weight: “We lost, but we played the best we’ve played. What’s the basis of my optimism? That’s easy. Win three games, win a medal.”

Richter: “I don’t think there’s any one thing we need to improve. This team can win, as is. Of course, as we showed against Belarus, there’s no guarantee.”

Yes, even that great victory--The Miracle of Beating Belarus--didn’t come easily for us.

Are we playing serious hockey? Just how serious is everyone on our all-star cavalcade?

“Probably as serious as the next guy,” Hull says.

Even your average Canadian?

Roenick, who doesn’t mince words, believes this means more to Canadians coast to coast (well, Yellowknife to Halifax) than anywhere else in the world. In Jeremy’s expert opinion, “I don’t think anybody in Canada has thought about anything else for the last seven or eight months than winning a gold medal.”

You know what that means. That means either Canada cares more about hockey than we do, or else Canada should get a life.