WORST 10 OF THE GAMES

1. TEAM SPINAL TAP

Dream Team USA set American hockey back, what, 50 years? To say nothing of Japanese-American international relations.

2. BLAH-GANO

“Men’s downhill rescheduled for Monday.” “Men’s downhill rescheduled for Tuesday.” “Men’s downhill rescheduled for Wednesday.” Snow-outs, white-outs, rain-outs, avalanche warnings, 5.0 earthquakes. Why watch the Olympics when you already have the Weather Channel?

3. NOT LIVE ON CBS

“Prime time, on high-quality recording tape, tomorrow from Nagano--Midori Ito lights the Olympic caldron!”

4. DAZED AND CONFUSED

Banned or not banned? Direct toke or second-hand smoke? Stripped of gold or just let him be? So a Canadian snowboarder tests positive for marijuana--can anybody here make a decision? Ross Rebagliati eventually had his gold medal restored, the only ruling the arbitration board could make until the IOC makes one on marijuana.

5. UGLINESS AT AQUA WING

The nasty postgame exchange between U.S. forward Sandra Whyte and Canada winger Danielle Foyette had no place in the women’s hockey tournament. What were they trying to do, play like the boys?

6. ICE DANCE JUDGES

They had the easiest job in the Games, even easier than CBS broadcasters. They didn’t even have to watch.

7. ILIA KULIK’S MENAGERIE

I don’t care what you say. The giraffe rain slicker was hideous, but not nearly as hideous as the jellyfish suit.

8. NICOLE BOBEK, U.S. LUGER

Bobek fell so often even she was joking about it by the end of the long program. The Campbell’s Soup pitchwoman spent more time on ice than gazpacho.

9. TOMBA LA BOMBAS

Seventeenth in the giant slalom. Scratched after one run in the slalom. Looking for “the right woman” to take care of him in retirement, he apparently was too busy to ski.

10. SNOWLET SHORTAGE CRISIS

They ran out of the stuffed mascot dolls one week into the Games, causing panic in the streets. This never happened in Atlanta. No one wanted an Izzy doll.