Victim Escapes Spousal Abuse, Finds Career

Domestic abuse might seem odd subject matter for the funny papers, but not to Jae Weiss.

The widely syndicated newspaper comic strip “Funky Winkerbean” has just finished nearly a month of daily cartoon panels in which a high school senior faces abuse by her boyfriend.

“It’s a positive,” said Weiss, 46, a crisis counselor for Haven Hills, a West Valley facility serving victims of domestic violence. “The more it’s talked about in venues where kids are, the more people are going to get help quickly.”

Weiss has no trouble giving the popular media credit for reaching those in need. She figures she and her son might not be alive today if it hadn’t been for a 1986 Phil Donahue Show.

Donahue “was interviewing two kids who had killed their abusive father,” she recalled. “When they described the kinds of abuse they and their mother were suffering, I was surprised at how not shocked I was because of the environment my son and I were living in.”

Once she had what she calls the “identifying words”--terms including “battered woman” and “violent household”--she said she was able to propel herself “out the door” and seek help.

“No one is more isolated than people living in an abusive household,” she said. “Most battered women do not know they are battered, in spite of the level of abuse they face.

“They know they are unhappy and afraid. They know they are walking on eggshells. But they hang onto the hope that they’re in a happy marriage with a downside, rather than realize it’s a bad situation that’s only going to get worse.”

After leaving her husband, whom she subsequently divorced, Weiss went to a counselor, then began volunteering at a shelter for battered women and keeping a journal.

“I felt empowered to be able to put words to my feelings,” she said. “I was struggling emotionally and found a lot of healing in my writing skills.”

She was eventually hired by Haven Hills to teach journal-writing workshops. Since then, her focus has expanded to public speaking, including testifying in 1995 before the U.S. Senate Welfare Committee. In 1990, she co-edited the book “Finding Our Voices: Speaking Out Against Violence.”

Although battered women are learning the words that may save them, Weiss is concerned that the general public is using the wrong vocabulary. She said the typical reaction of people who learn of an abusive situation is, ‘Why does she stay?’

“That’s victim-blaming,” said Weiss. “The questions we should be asking are ones like, ‘Why does he hit her?’ ‘Why doesn’t someone stop him?’ and ‘If he’s that miserable, why does he stay?’ ”

Though abusers themselves are seldom cured--only 3% to 5% change their behavior if they complete a “good” batterers program, she said--”I’m living proof that there is life after battering.

“I now have a happy marriage, a wonderful home, fulfilling work and a remarkable son who has come out unscathed and is a caring human being.”

Once a volunteer herself, Weiss is now also the Community Outreach/Volunteer Coordinator for Haven Hills. She has helped develop violence prevention programs presented to junior high and high school students.

“I was lucky because these services were offered to me when I needed them,” Weiss said. “I found life to be so much better than I imagined it could in 1986, and I know I have the ability to invite other people to find that option.”

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