Licensing the Story of Hollywood
Humorist Phil Proctor saw a license plate that said, I M NO 1, and commented: “Isn’t that the story of Hollywood? First, you’re ‘Number One,’ and then, you’re ‘No One.’ ”
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GHOST VOTING? Watching the KNBC, Channel 4 election returns Tuesday night, I sensed a major scandal brewing. More than two hours after the polls had closed, the KNBC graphic said U.S. Sen. Barbara Boxer had received some 867,000 votes while also stating that 0% of the vote had been counted. What was going on?
Then I noticed that Boxer didn’t have the only suspicious total. In almost every race, KNBC’s graphic indicated that 0% of the vote had been tallied while at the same time assigning vote totals to the various candidates and propositions. It only affirmed my distrust in politics.
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ONLY IN L.A. GETS RESULTS! A while back I mentioned that one campaign mailing of Herb Wesson, a Democratic Assembly candidate in L.A., had included a bullet shell to dramatize (some might say, overdramatize) the problem of violence on the streets. This column asked, “Whatever happened to potholders?” A few days later the mail brought “Herb Wesson Democrat for Assembly” potholders from resident Dan Fink and candidate Herb Wesson. (Good prizes for future Only in L.A. contests.)
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WE’RE NO. 5! WE’RE NO. 5! When it comes to dog bites, mail carriers in L.A. have fewer reasons to go postal than in some other big cities. Houston led the nation in dog bites to letter carriers last year with 65 nips, edging out Chicago (55), New York (44) and Miami (36). L.A. was fifth with 29. L.A.’s low ranking may stem from the fact that many poodles are kept indoors.
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GO PAST KAREN, TURN LEFT ON FRED AND LEFT AGAIN ON GENE: Street names like Washington, Hoover and Hawthorne resonate with historical meaning. Then there’s the stretch of modest roadways in Cypress, a city that likes to keep things on a first-name basis. Here you can encounter Fred Drive, Gene Street and Karen Avenue (see photos), not to mention Ronald Drive, Cathy Avenue, Danny Avenue, Mildred Avenue, Olga Avenue and Ethel Circle. Just a town to visit if you’re trying to pick a name for a baby.
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BUM STEER: An anonymous reader sent along a notice from a Southland laundry whose politically incorrect ad says it services “bums in suits” as well as “moth hotels” (see accompanying).
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UNIVERSAL TRUTHS: “You recently shared a series of humorous questions from Catalina Island visitors,” wrote Tom Nevermann of Beverly Hills. “It reminded me of the days I worked as a tour guide for Universal Studios Hollywood. Several of us who worked the information booth kept a running list of bizarre questions posed by tour guests. Here are a few favorites (thanks to a little memory help from Kathleen, Erin and Bernie).”
* What times does Hollywood close?
* How do we get to Mount Rushmore? (Nevermann: “After suggesting a call to a travel agent, we realized that they meant the Hollywood sign”).
* If it rains will I get wet?
* How many lanes do they have at the Hollywood Bowl?
* Where’s Captain EO? (Nevermann: “In Anaheim!”)
And, finally, a question about a short-lived TV program:
* Do you have to be a United States citizen to go see “The Pat Sajak Show?” (Nevermann: “I don’t think there IS a response for that one!”).
miscelLAny:
In the latest assault on the English language, the Walt Disney Co. sent out a coming attraction of a movie on a cassette to the news media, calling it a “pre-awareness reel.”
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Steve Harvey can be reached by phone at (213) 237-7083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com and by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, Times Mirror Square, L.A. 90053.