Punch Lines

Mi Casa: According to a recent survey, 80% of all young adults in America say they plan to work after the age of 65. “Not only that: They say that when that time comes, they may even move out of their parents’ house.” (Steve Voldseth)

Scaling Back: The International Monetary Fund has agreed to back the Japanese yen against market panic. “Japanese banks say they have learned their lesson. They agreed to lower interest rates, reduce the work force and never finance a Godzilla movie again.” (Argus Hamilton)

At the Bar: Monica Lewinsky fired her lawyer, William Ginsburg. “People say he has no experience in criminal law. That’s not true. He once got a parking ticket reduced to second degree murder.” (Hamilton)

Clinton’s Call: After a tornado devastated the area, President Clinton has declared Spencer, S.D., a disaster area. “Who is he to judge Spencer?” (Johnny Robish)

More Bill: Where does President Clinton go when he’s looking for some company? “The intern-net” (Andrew Wisot)

And more: “Did you see that big bump Clinton got on his head? I guess he bumped into a door at the White House. People are saying he’s clumsy. Give the guy a break. Did you ever try walking with your pants down around your ankles?” (Jay Leno)

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Furever Yours

This time-honored shaggy-fur tale comes from Tom Wilson:

A man and woman walk into a furrier.

“Show me your finest coat,” the man says.

The owner brings out a Russian sable.

The woman tries it on, loves it, and the man says “I’ll take it.”

“Sir, that particular coat is $65,000,” the owner whispers discreetly.

“No problem. I’ll write you a check,” the man says.

“Very good, sir,” the salesman says. “Today is Friday. Please pick up the coat on Monday, after the check clears.”

The man and woman leave. On Monday, the fellow returns. The store owner is outraged.

“How dare you show your face in here? There wasn’t a single cent in your checking account.”

“I just had to come by,” grinned the guy, “to thank you for the most wonderful weekend of my life.”

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