Punch Lines

Pentagon Logic: Following the court-martial of Sgt. Maj. Gene McKinney, the military will house men and women separately, but train them together. "The military--where men are from Mars, women are from Venus and policies are from Pluto." (Kenny Noble Cortes)

New Friends of Bill: McKinney was acquitted of sex-offense charges. "What a victory. After the verdict, President Clinton called the locker room and invited the whole legal team to the White House." (Argus Hamilton)

Ex-Friend of Bill: No matter whether you believe Kathleen Willey or Clinton, "basically it comes down to a case of 'he said, she said, she said, she said.' " (Jay Leno)

The Literary Life: Clinton's lawyer said Willey is trying to sell a book for $300,000. "Clinton tried to sell his little black book once and found out Ken Starr had already published it." (Hamilton)

The Political Life: "Let's see what's going on with President Clinton, or, as they're calling him in Washington now, the unagroper." (Leno)

Stars Behind Bars: The votes for Monday's Oscars were due Tuesday. "We wonder, did Robert Downey Jr. get an absentee ballot?" (Premiere Radio)

That's Show Biz: In L.A. near the Shrine Auditorium, hundreds of people spent the night in sleeping bags on a dirty sidewalk. "But enough about the writing staff from 'Grace Under Fire.' " (Jerry Perisho)

In Other TV News: Medical researchers at Oregon University found that beer contains flavinoids that can prolong life. "It's possibly true. What they never told you on 'Cheers' is that Norm was 168 years old." (Hamilton)

Family Values: Mary Kay LeTourneau won't be able to keep her baby in prison. "Yeah, he's got to go back to school." (Premiere)

Family Values on TV: "Rumors are, Jerry Springer may get his own prime-time TV show. To attract his audience, they're making it a cross between 'Married With Children' and 'Sister, Sister.' They're calling it 'Sister, Wife.' " (Steve Voldseth)

They're Back: The swallows have returned to San Juan Capistrano. "There are two easy ways to know if the swallows have come back. You can hang out at the mission all day, or get in line at the carwash." (Cortes)

* SEND US A LINE: Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Life & Style, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.

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