Logical Progression in Celebrity Airports

Orange County has John Wayne Airport. And there’s a proposal to rename LAX Jimmy Stewart International Airport. So it seems only logical that, in the movie, “The Odd Couple II,” airplane passengers Jack Lemmon and Walter Matthau are approaching a small city in Southern California when they hear the pilot intone, “Ladies and gentlemen, we’ll be landing at Barbra Streisand Airport in a few moments.”

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“ODD” (CONT.): In the movie, writer Neil Simon pokes fun at the tendency of every new city in the Southland to give itself a romantic, Spanish-sounding name. The boys, trying to make it to a wedding in the (fictional) town of San Molina, forget its name at one point. As they hitchhike on a deserted highway, they hazard several guesses at their destination, including San Marino, San Sereno, San Petino, San Mateo, San Quentin, San Redondo, Sancho Panza and Pancho Gonzalez.

Finally, they reach a town with a really creepy name--Santa Menendez.

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BUT BACK TO STREISAND AIRPORT: One other celebrity name has been linked to a local airport in real life, though only briefly. Several years ago the Royal Caribbean cruise line put out a magazine ad that referred to John Wayne Airport as Wayne Newton Airport.

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WHICH REMINDS ME: The students in Diane Maddox’s fifth-grade class in Panorama City were asked to name the discoverer of the law of gravity. Sure enough, one answered, “Wayne Newton.”

What? You expected “John Wayne?”

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HE CAN OUT-SING ISAAC NEWTON: Rather than spring this item the day before the primary election, I’ll reveal it now--Republican gubernatorial hopeful Dan Lungren has been featured on a song tape (see photo).

Actually, it shouldn’t be too damaging. Made with members of the Albany, Calif., Police Department, it urged teens to drive safely. Lungren is listed as a performer on the song, “One Way Ride,” along with “Elvis & the Lawman.”

Candysse Miller of L.A., who sent me the tape, guessed that Lungren’s “the one singing the ‘Uh-huh-uhs.”’

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BAD DIRECTIONS: The ruminations here about the city turning into a forest of hand-written directional signs for film crews prompted Preben Sorensen of L.A. to dig up a snapshot he shot several months ago. It shows a sign for a movie titled “Gunshy” that seems to point to the West Hollywood sheriff’s station (see photo).

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CAN THE DEMS SING, “I LOVE L.A.”? When L.A. makes its formal bid for the 2000 Democratic National Convention--or, the 1900 Democratic Convention, if the mass computer snafu occurs--let’s hope it doesn’t repeat past mistakes.

In an unsuccessful 1976 bid, for instance, L.A. went overboard with the civic propaganda, chirping in its prospectus that “conventions love sunshine. And L.A.’s got it every day--cloud-free and clear.” And: “The world-renowned Los Angeles freeway network shrinks miles into minutes.”

But I do think the city should reprise one 1976 proposal--to guarantee the Democrats that a celebrity would greet every flight of delegates.

How about Barbra Streisand at Wayne Newton Airport?

Or vice versa.

miscelLAny:

In the What’s-in-a-Name? Dept., Pamela Korman of L.A. notes that at the Mira Monte Hotel in Palm Springs, if you want to order the “express meal,” a placard advises: “Please allow us one hour in advance to prepare your express meal.”