Laissez-Faire Appliance Repair
The television has picture but no sound.
Your best option is to:
A. Call a repair guy.
B. Remove the back and risk vaporization.
C. Provide your own dialogue.
The correct answer, of course, is C.
Whenever something breaks, the first thing you should do about it is--nothing. Why?
Because for one thing, you have no idea what you are doing. Because explosions hurt. Because in most cases, things fix themselves. What else explains:
* The hair dryer that has died a thousand deaths.
* The shake-rattle-and-blow air conditioner suddenly turning whispery quiet.
* The vast congregation of born-again blenders, vacuums, power tools, faxes, lawn mowers . . .
The operative maxim here?
Time heals all appliances.
Unfortunately, this often is the extent of the average repair guy’s knowledge. In too, too many cases, the average repair guy knows as much about the inner workings of a given appliance as the 19-year-old store clerk / lead guitarist who sold it to you.
Say you have a repair guy come to your house. Let’s call him Fritz, as in “on the . . . “ Nine times out of 10, this is what Fritz does: He checks to see if the thing is plugged in. If it isn’t, he plugs it in. Then he scribbles “labor” followed by “$65” on a piece of paper. If it is plugged in, Fritz grabs a screwdriver and takes the back or bottom off.
He does this for two reasons:
* Showmanship.
* To get an adrenaline rush.
The chances of Fritz finding and fixing what is wrong on the spot are about 1,000 to 1. The chances of Fritz doing something that produces a mushroom cloud are about 50-50. Anyway--assuming nothing of interest to the folks at 911 occurs--Fritz takes the appliance back to the shop. There, he places it on a shelf. In four to six weeks, he takes it off the shelf. Good as new.
The capacity for things to fix themselves is not restricted to household gadgets. It also applies to big stuff, like motor vehicles.
The car begins making a distressing noise.
Your best option is to:
A. Pop the hood and tinker.
B. Take it to the dealer.
C. Turn up the radio.
Again, the correct answer is C.
You pump up the volume at the first sign of trouble, and within weeks not only will the expensive-sounding noise be gone, but in many cases, so too will be the smoke.
You bring your car to a mechanic, and the only thing he is going to touch is that dial. The rest of the week to 10 days he has your car he spends working on the bill.
How do we know this? Ever notice that when you get your car back from the dealer, all your programmed stations have been changed?
I rest my case.
* Shea is a columnist at the Hartford Courant. To reach him write to Jim Shea, Hartford Courant, 285 Broad St., Hartford, CT 06115.
