Don’t Sacrifice Sanity for College Goals
I hear often from parents who have complicated lives because their kids are involved in too many curricular and extracurricular activities.
A woman with two children in high school wrote:
“Everything is so competitive now. If you expect to get into a good college, you need more than good grades. You also have to distinguish yourself in school activities and clubs.
“My daughters, in addition to being straight-A students, are both involved in at least three extracurricular activities, and they’re stretched to the limit. We barely function as a family anymore, with everyone coming and going constantly. My husband and I would like to limit the number of outside obligations our daughters have, but we’re afraid we’ll be undermining their college potential.”
In my experience these parents are operating under some erroneous, though commonly held, beliefs. The first misconception is that if your child doesn’t get into a good college, he or she won’t succeed in life. But think about this: The number of successful people who went to less-than-first-rate colleges and universities--or who didn’t go at all--is legion. By the same token, graduating from a top college offers no guarantee of success.
The second misconception is that students have to spread themselves thin to get into a good college. The fact is, there are excellent colleges that have a wide variety of requirements. Some are looking strictly at grades. Others are looking only at test scores. Still others are looking at the overall picture, which could include a range of criteria from grades to activities, to sports, to volunteer involvement, to how much or how little money the parents have and other demographic data, to how well a student can express himself in the application essay.
The third misconception is that you can even come close to guessing what standards will be operating in the year your child is accepted to college. Even college advisors at the top-rated secondary schools can’t do that.
Instead, do some research. Take some time to figure out what type of college would be best for your child based on his or her interests, temperament and capabilities. Attend College Day activities with your high school kids, and explore a range of schools that might be appropriate for your child.
Most important, take some time to come up with your own definition of success. Many of us are beginning to question whether succeeding no matter what the cost is healthy or even desirable, and whether the rewards of such so-called success are worth the sacrifices we’ve had to make. It’s time to encourage our kids to make choices for their future that are based on having balance and moderation in their lives. Learning how to do that could be more important than anything they’ll ever learn in college.
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Elaine St. James is the author of “Simplify Your Life” and “Simplify Your Life With Kids.” For questions or comments, write to her in care of Universal Press Syndicate, 4520 Main St., Kansas City, MO 64111.
