The Care and Feeding of Your Business Partner

Imagine you’re a roller-coaster aficionado, dragging your reluctant, terrified loved one along on a death-defying ride.

While the risk exhilarates you, you notice that your partner is turning green and screaming for the ride to stop. Although he agreed to go with you on the ride, as the roller coaster slows to a halt, he glares at you as if his momentary torture is all your fault.

Starting your own business can feel like a roller-coaster ride, especially in the first year when more cash may be flowing out than in. Even a modest investment can put your relationship on edge.

My husband, Stephen, and I have experienced both sides of the table. Each of us supported the family with straight jobs while the other gave an entrepreneurial venture their best shot.

While your optimism and fierce determination keep you forging ahead, how do you keep your mate from putting on the brakes if he or she is risk-averse?

Here are some techniques Stephen and I have used to calm each other down when the money wasn’t flowing in.

* Get specific about how much financial risk each of you can handle.

How much financial loss and insecurity can you and your partner handle? Differentiate between uncomfortable versus intolerable risk. For example, for you, $1,000 in the checking account may be uncomfortable, but $100 may be intolerable. If your loved one finds $5,000 in the checking account to be uncomfortable and $1,000 to be intolerable, you’ve got some compromising to do. How far are each of you willing to go into debt? What family purchases are you each willing to forgo? What is the nightmare each of you fears if your business does not succeed financially? Spell it out--the potential nightmare you face together is often not as bad as the one you refuse to talk about.

* Protect your partner from his worst nightmare.

Identify your partner’s risk threshold by asking him to complete this sentence: “Under no circumstances will I tolerate [losing the house, going without medical insurance, accumulating more than $10,000 credit card debt].”

Now, here’s the secret. You don’t have to eliminate all of your partner’s discomfort. Just promise to protect him from his worst nightmare. Assure him that you will respect his bottom-line intolerances, even if it means modifying your business investments, and he will relax considerably. Most of the time you’ll never reach that point, but establishing boundaries around risk will help your partner feel safer--and he will become more cooperative as a result.

* Help your partner share your vision.

What is the long-term vision you hold for your business and your marriage? How will your lives together change when the money starts flowing in? Stephen and I share a vision that someday my writing and speaking career will support the family, and he can devote himself to religious study, gardening and volunteer work. Create a joint vision with your partner and tape it to the bathroom mirror. Celebrate at least one success with your partner every day to help him experience progress unfolding.

* Be compassionate rather than defensive.

When the picture looks bleakest is when you most need your spouse’s support. Yet that’s when they begin freaking out and criticizing your way of handling your business. When your loved one is distressed, don’t rush to justify your actions or label her as unreasonably demanding. Remember, no two people have identical risk tolerances. She’s entitled to her feelings. It’s rough being self-employed, and it’s no picnic being married to an entrepreneur either. Rather than attacking your spouse in self-defense, bite your tongue, give them a big hug and say instead, “Thanks for supporting me, hon. I’m sorry it’s been so rough on you. I love you.”

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Azriela Jaffe can be reached by e-mail at jaffe@lancnews.infi.net, or visit her Web site at https://www.isquare.com/crlink.htm.