But Where Are the Harley and the Helmet?
Dear Fashion Police: How fashion-smart is it to wear a black miniskirt, fishnets and motorcycle boots at the same time? Please help as I was planning on wearing them soon.
--WAITING AND
WONDERING
Dear Wonder: Planning on wearing them where? Your brother’s wedding? Ralphs? Your Catholic school reunion? An appearance on “Jerry Springer”?
We’re going to be frank with you here, hon. The combo you describe is the unholy trinity of fashion.
But you can still redeem this alleged outfit. Substitute black opaque stockings for the fishnets and some sleek, ankle-high boots for the motorcycle jobs and you’ll look ready for the pages of Vogue, instead of Outlaw Biker.
*
From the Fashion Police Blotter: Monday is Memorial Day, and we all know what that means: the beginning of the scariest fashion season of the year--summer.
No more coats, bulky sweaters and jackets to hide beneath, no more artful layering to obscure the consequences of those Cinnabon runs.
Of course, some interpret the climate change as a good thing. They can’t wait to shove their winter clothes back in the closet and start hauling out shorts, T-shirts or little cotton dresses.
Then there are those who think summer means: “Hey! It’s warm out! I can dress like a disgusting slob!”
What is it about summer that makes some people think they have a license to dress so abysmally? We shudder to think of what’s in store in the months to come: tufts of chest hair springing from stained, torn, stretched-out tank tops. Shorts so minuscule that they reveal copious amounts of butt flesh. Feet in dire need of a pedicure displayed in flip-flops.
How can you, the average citizen, stop this?
First, tell us your summer dressing peeves. Shorts with dark socks and sandals? Bathing suits worn as street clothes? Write or fax us with the most egregious violations you’ve seen. And maybe together we can put an end to some of these heinous warm-weather fashion crimes.
*
Dump the Pump?: When we ran the results of our poll that found that men prefer seeing high-heeled pumps on women over any other footwear, we knew something like this would happen. We knew we’d get letters saying how horrible high heels are for women, how consistent wearing can cause all kinds of ghastly abnormalities and chronic pain.
“Arrest those men who favor high heels!” one woman wrote. “Parole them only if, as a result of their incarceration, they suffer from foot deformities, surgery and back problems.”
Arrest someone because he has an opinion? We’d all be in jail. Besides, did we suggest women wear high heels until their feet ached and their spines looked like fusilli pasta? No. Is there a conspiracy to hobble women? Hardly.
Maybe shoe manufacturers should be required to put an advisory on every pair of high heels, something like: “If you choose to wear high heels, do so responsibly.” And while they’re at it, an age minimum. And maximum, for that matter.
They’re your feet--use your head.
* When reporting or preventing a fashion crime, write to Fashion Police, Life & Style, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053, or fax to (213) 237-0732. Submissions cannot be returned. No telephone inquiries, please.
