If Clippers Make Playoffs It’ll Be Festival Seating

CPA David R. Stern told The Times that he recently received a promotional package to sign up for the new Premier Seats at the Staples Center.

Enclosed was a page of Frequently Asked Questions About Premier Seats. A sampling:

“What events are included with Premier Seats?

[Answer] “All Kings, Lakers and Clippers regular-season home games are in the Premier Seat program. Additionally, Kings and Lakers playoff games are included.”

So, the Clippers miss the playoffs before the season even starts.

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Trivia time: The Associated Press college football poll was inaugurated in 1936. Which school was voted national champion?

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May I escort you? Michael Jordan told Tom Zenner of Maxim magazine that he occasionally has been stopped for speeding but has never received a ticket.

“They say, ‘You were doing 85,’ and I say, ‘Sorry, officer. It was a late game and I just want to go home and go to bed.’ ”

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Cutting edge: Dameane Douglas, California’s talkative wide receiver, has caught 71 passes this season, 19 short of Keyshawn Johnson’s Pacific 10 record of 90.

Douglas told Jake Curtis of the San Francisco Chronicle that he learned to concentrate while playing Nerf football in the streets of his hometown of Hayward, Calif.

“There would be 60-yard passes and you’d really have to focus because there may be a car coming at you or a rose bush coming up,” Douglas said. “Many times to get a first down, I’d land in a rose bush to make a catch.”

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Let him in: Larry Felser, longtime Buffalo News columnist, commenting on whether Lawrence Taylor deserves to be in the Pro Football Hall of Fame:

“He’s probably the best defensive player I’ve ever seen. If you have to have the warden come and collect the bust for him, so be it.”

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Any questions? Paco Belassen, the agent for free-agent center Ike Austin, on whether being in a desirable city or on a contender will be necessary to sign Austin once the NBA lockout ends:

“Criteria No. 1 is money, criteria No. 2 is money and criteria No. 3 is money.”

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Looking back: On this day in 1995, John Elway became the seventh player in NFL history to pass for 40,000 yards, leading the Denver Broncos to a 38-6 rout of the Arizona Cardinals.

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Trivia answer: Minnesota.

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And finally: Tom Wheatley of the St. Louis Post-Dispatch, discovering the Rams we once knew so well:

“Why are the Rams [2-6 record] so pitiful? The one-word answer: inheritance.

“The problem is rooted in ownership. Georgia Frontiere inherited the then-Los Angeles Rams from then-husband Carroll Rosenbloom, who drowned nearly 20 years ago.

”. . . When the going gets tough, as it is now, she scrams to one of her other homes in this country or abroad.”