How He Got Here He Has a Few Clues

So, like a lot of us, you missed out on tickets to Jimmy Buffett’s concerts in Irvine this weekend--now what?

You can still escape everyday existence--and not have to deal with a hangover the next day! In “A Pirate Looks at Fifty” (Random House, $24.95), Buffett marks a milestone birthday by dropping down to the lower latitudes and looking back over a life driven by instinct and humor.

“Fifty is not ‘just another birthday,’ ” writes the singer-writer-philosopher. “It can be approached in only two ways. First, it can be a ball of snakes that conjures up immediate thoughts of mortality and accountability. Or, it can be a great excuse to reward yourself for just getting there. I instinctively choose door number two.”

Still, if you’re expecting the book to capture the craziness of Buffett’s concerts, where fans in Hawaiian shirts sing louder than he does, hot tubs dot the parking lots and cars are topped with shark fins, you’re out of luck.

Instead, you’ll read of the off-duty Buffett on a three-week journey: New Year’s Eve in Costa Rica, a tense stop in Colombia, a cruise down the Amazon. He plays by the rules as he flies over Cuba; he feels at home in St. Barts. Along the way, his tale takes detours: the perfect day that ended with a near-fatal plane crash, a marriage that survived its troubles, a visit with a father who struggles with Alzheimer’s disease.

Buffett shares insights on parenting, warning of the “children’s police” when young Cameron Marley Buffett begins to go astray. “There are the restaurant police, the movie police, the playground police, and on and on. If he is bad, he has to spend quiet time in baby jail. . . . I happen to come from a childhood of Catholic corporal punishment . . . and I don’t see any harm in having a few imaginary disciplinarians around.”

And he throws in a few travel tips.

“I learned a long time ago to leave my Yankee bravado at home when I travel. The best way for an American to get around in the world is to not act like you saved it or own it. My other ace in the hole if I smell trouble brewing is to somehow relate my reason for being where I am to making a movie. Hollywood has more clout worldwide than the U.S. State Department.”

While there always will be those who debate the merits of Buffett’s voice (OK, so only two hit singles), there can be no denying that the man can tell a story--whether it be with three chords or 458 pages. “A Pirate Looks at Fifty” spent 14 weeks on the Los Angeles Times’ bestsellers list.

And while this is a tale celebrating the past, Buffett keeps an eye on the future: “As a celebration, New Year’s Eve is too predictable. . . . Here we are two years away from the millennium and the whole world is booked this far in advance. . . . Hell, you can’t even hire a llama in Machu Picchu, . . . As for me, I’m going to wait until the very last moment and see what happens. If I know anything about parties, I know the best ones are pretty spontaneous.”

* Jimmy Buffett plays the Irvine Meadows Amphitheatre on Friday and Sunday nights. The shows are sold out.